Did you know?

April is Prevent Child Abuse Month

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Never Give Up, Sexual Abuse, T.R.U.T.H. Program, Trauma , , , , , ,
April is Prevent Child Abuse Month

This article comes from the American Society for the Positive Care of Children (American SPCC). I thank SPCC for allowing me to reprint this article.

Beyond Abuse Prevention: It’s more than physical

Trauma and abuse can take many forms including physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, neglect, exploitation, and more. When we speak of child maltreatment, we normally first think of physical abuse, but the shocking truth is that neglect is the number one form of child abuse in America.

What signs should parents or other caregivers notice to identify the various types of abuse? 

Every individual responds different to the trauma of abuse, but these are some common indicators to look out for:

  • Physical Abuse: Unexplained bruises, welts, burns, or other injuries
  • Emotional Abuse: Overly adoptive behaviors including inappropriate adult behavior and Inappropriate infant behavior
  • Physical or Emotional: Behavioral extremes including aggressiveness, withdrawal, frightened of parents, and afraid to go home
  • Sexual: Pain or itching in genitalia area or bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual behavior or knowledge
  • Neglect: Consistent hunger, poor hygiene, inappropriate dress, and consistent lack of supervision, especially in dangerous activities or long periods

Create safe spaces for your children to communicate big feelings with you. It’s important that you validate their feelings for the small things, so when big things happen, they know you will be there for them.

When should I report abuse?

Familiarizing yourself with the signs and symptoms of a child’s maltreatment and recognizing it is essential to prevent a child from further abuse and harm and allow them to begin the process of healing.

Any Mandated Reporter will tell you that when in doubt, report. 

For lots of people, reporting can feel scary because we don’t want to be the cause of children being removed from their homes. The intake professionals at your state agency are highly trained, and it will be up to them on how to move forward in a way that is safest for the child, which does not always include family separation.

It’s also important to note that potential signs of abuse that are connected to neglect may sometimes be indicators of poverty rather than negligence. In these instances, homes are full of love but lack the resources to provide the way that they would want. Rather than reporting abuse, in this case, consider asking if the parents are receiving all the public benefits available to them in your area, so they can more fully provide a home where children are well fed, clothed, and rested.

When parents have necessary resources and knowingly deprive children of their basic needs, unfortunately that is considered neglect. There is a drastic difference between a family-unit that is filled with love and care, versus a situation that deprives children of their basic needs. It’s important to be mindful of the nuances of circumstances. However, ultimately our number one priority must be the safety of the child. It truly takes a village to raise happy and healthy children.

Let’s lift people up if we can, and become advocates and safe havens for children who need us most.

What if I realize I have been unintentionally causing my child harm?

Realizing when our parenting has its own imperfections that may impact our children is a huge step in healing families. Nobody is perfect. It is never too late to acknowledge our own traumas to adjust our individual parenting styles to better meet our and our children’s physical and emotional needs.

The best thing parents can do is to educate themselves on their ACES in combination with evidence-based parenting styles to build tools to create positive environments that raise children to be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults. Self-awareness takes time, patience, and a lot of giving grace to yourself; but you’re not alone!

Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who are or have been traumatized.

Where Does Freedom of Speech End?

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Healing, Never Give Up, Sexual Abuse, T.R.U.T.H. Program, Trauma , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The End of Freedom to Speak!

According to the state of Florida, a movie or a book can be banned in schools if one parent complains. What? Yes, that’s right and it seems this trend is creeping out of Florida and into more states – like Tennessee and Wyoming.

Toni Morrison’s book, “The Bluest Eye” is losing her freedom to speak because her book includes a rape scene. Michelangelo’s statue “David” is also being screened because of his naked penis. Additionally, the “Ruby Bridges” movie, created by Disney, is banned because, as one parent says, “It teaches white children to hate black children.”

WHOA!

I’m a published author and I write about trauma, including rape and child abuse. These topics are mentally, socially, physically, and spiritually damaging. Children get hurt, women are assaulted, and men aren’t immune from the effects. Unresolved trauma causes illness and even death. My true story, “Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness” repeatedly proves this. I’m trying my hardest to tell survivors how they can resolve trauma in their minds, bodies, and spirits. Therefore, it takes one parent to object to my book and get it banned in Florida. Why? Because a few of our laws, in this country, are based on a few people’s objections.

Where does freedom of speech end?

It seems to end with one person’s belief that books or movies are found to be offensive. Most writers create fiction and nonfiction to enlighten our world about problems that must be solved. I can tell you that no one writes a book to damage the reader. (Well, horror movies have been known to psyche me out!) Religious beliefs also get in the way of freedom of speech. Is there trauma in the Bible? Sure, look at what happened to Adam and Eve when they were thrown out of paradise? They had to start over in a world with ferocious tigers, poisonous snakes, severe weather conditions, famine, death, and cruelty. Our ancestors prove time and time again that we can and do survive trauma through writing and reading.

Get a Clue, Parents!

As a child grows, she/he/them/they will confront with most, if not many, of the world’s tragedies. Though a life fact, trauma happens even if we shield our children from it, causing kids to grow up frightened, insecure, self-conscious, and unprepared for hardships. Is this what we want for our children? NO! Protecting our children is great but overprotecting them is damaging. How can children see the good in the world if they can’t compare it to the uglies in life?

How You Can Help

Encourage children to read books and watch movies that expand their knowledge and encourage empathy. If your child does see or read something that you find offensive, sit down and talk with them about the reality and truth of the story or movie. What is the lesson? Lessons are everywhere and those children who want to learn will be grateful for the TRUTH!

Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who are or have been traumatized.

When Is Enough — Enough?

Alexis Acker-Halbur Cancer, Did you know?, Healing, Never Give Up, Trauma
When Is Enough — Enough?

This past January, I turned 66. I noticed I was slowing down more than ever. I still have word search problems (Aphasia), extreme fatigue, balance issues, and short-term memory loss. I thought old age was coming after me with a vengeance having lived with diabetes for 50 years. But oh, how I missed the signs of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)!

I didn’t fall and hit my head like Amy Zellmer did, author of [Life With a Traumatic Brain Injury: Finding the Road Back to Normal], but I had Stage IV colon cancer (twice) and went through 18 sessions of chemotherapy (24 hours each — equaling 432 total hours). After reading Amy’s book, I contacted her and asked if my cancer treatments could cause TBI.

She responded, “YES — chemo brain is often referred to as a ‘chemical concussion,’ and I hear it over and over again.”

Amy Zellmer

YIKES!

I went to bed that night wondering when enough is enough. Trauma of the brain is so scary, and I realized after reading Amy’s book that it is complex and so misunderstood. People undervalue those of us with TBI with comments like “It’s just a concussion, you’ll be fine,” or “You just fell and hit your head–it will heal.”  Amy says, “This invisible illness is very real.”

In Amy’s comforting and kind words, I found a new “angel” in my life who delivered a very crucial message to me. I have TBI!

Am I angry? Does this knowledge make me sad? Yes, of course, I am, but in Amy’s story I found someone who told me the truth directly and without pity. Like my cancer, diabetes, and now TBI, I can assure you that I’ll never give up living this life as fully as I can. Through Amy’s book I found the courage to accept this news and begin again.

Amy Zellner

Life With a Traumatic Brain Injury, is a collection of Amy’s short articles, some of which were published in The Huffington Post. This book is perfect for TBI survivors and the rest of the world to gain a better understanding of the frustrations and struggles TBI survivors go through. We aren’t lazy or not paying attention, our words get jumbled and meanings are lost to us. We can’t remember how to use things like, for Amy, the microwave, or me the computer. We have to learn and relearn information every day. We sleep lots or not at all and the reason for this is our brains are trying to heal. Lots of people think that it takes a mere few months for the brain to heal, but in reality, our brains try to heal every day and night.

Understanding Is the Key

I’m slow, I sleep, I stumble over words, but I am a woman trying to live Life’s trials and tribulations. I ask for your understanding before you judge me on my inabilities to be “normal.” I live a “new normal” life with constant pain and tremendous self-doubt. But, I’m alive and I’d go through TBI hell to have this life I’m living. And I have Amy Zellmer to thank for writing this book and for the courage to keep going.  As I always say, “NEVER GIVE UP!” I won’t — will you?  Order and read Amy’s book today at https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Life+with+a+brain+injury&i=stripbooks&crid=2UZHWN7GSKPMF&sprefix=life+with+a+brain+injury%2Cstripbooks%2C106&ref=nb_sb_noss

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle.
Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times.
She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men
who have been traumatized.

More About Why We Lie

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Healing, Never Give Up, Sexual Abuse, T.R.U.T.H. Program, Trauma , , , , , , , , ,
More About Why We Lie

Hello Wellness Seekers:

In November of 2016 I wrote a post titled, “Why I Lied.” This post continually receives the most comments of all time. I’m happy that it proves to be helpful to me and my readers.

An Essay Blows Me Away

Today, I read a new article that delves into “why we lie” even deeper. Published in last week’s TIME magazine is an essay titled, “How Secrets Keep Us Sick,” by Sarah Levy, the author of Drinking Games. In her essay, Ms. Levy says:

“There’s research that shows that primates evolved the tendency to tell lies to maximize survival, and  2018 study in Memory and Cognition explains [how] false denial can serve as a coping tool for managing shame and guilt.” Levy states, “I was dreadfully uncomfortable in my own skin and desperate to be someone, anyone, else. It seemed natural to alter the truth when my own reality was painful.”

My Reaction

After reading this statement, I was thrown back to the years I lied. Knowing it was a coping tool to survive my abusive father, I feel no shame or guilt. Some may say “it’s just another denial,” but truth be told, I needed this tool to keep living. I believe in the truth now more than ever, and I see how lies can prevent additional abuse and punishment.

Unfortunately, we don’t know this when we’re young and being abused by a “supposed” loved one, because our brains were not developed enough for us to say, “You’re hurting me,” or “Stop touching me.” An abused child’s lament.

My Advice

If you know a child who lies, find out what’s happening to this child. You may save this child’s life.

 ______________________________
Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle.
Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times.
She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men
who have been traumatized.

The History of Advent They Don’t Teach You in Schools

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know? , , , , , , , , ,
The History of Advent They Don’t Teach You in Schools

A traditional advent wreath

[This article was published by the Universal Life Church [email protected]  and posted on November 20, 2022. I thank them for allowing me to reprint this article here.]

Christmas is often seen as a Christian holiday, but when you know the history, you’ll understand why this isn’t so. We need to give our ancestors the right to claim what was created by them. Some people call these ancestors “Pagans,” but I know they were/are our ancestors. I hope this article enlightens you.

“With Thanksgiving in the rearview mirror, many Americans are now excitedly preparing for the holiday season. Millions of Christians know this season as Advent (from the Latin word meaning “arrival”), where they spend the weeks leading up to Christmas preparing for the Nativity of Christ.

Wreaths, trees, candles, advent calendars… these are all symbols intertwined with Christmas even to non-Christian observers. But did you know they actually have ancient symbolic meanings that go beyond Christianity?

In fact, many of these symbols are, ahem, “borrowed,” and you’ll never guess who from.

Okay, you got it. Pagans (Ancestors). It’s always the pagans.

A Very Pagan Christmas

You might recall that Christmas itself has some distinctly pagan origins, and that many of the modern Christmas traditions can be traced back to ancient Nordic cultures.

Long, long before Christianity, pagans were celebrating the winter solstice and the end of the harvest season. This was called Yule, and many ancient Yule traditions – singing, bonfires, feasting – are still celebrated today. Still, some, like dousing oneself in the blood of sacrificed animals, didn’t make it to the 21st century.

When you think about it, it makes sense that many Advent traditions are lifted from ancient pagan customs. After all, wreaths, trees, and candles make a lot more sense in a pagan context than in a Christian one.

Centuries-Old Symbols

Mistletoe is a great example of this. For centuries, mistletoe was closely associated with the Norse love goddess Frigga. As a gesture of peace, Nordic warriors used to hang a bough of mistletoe and lay down their weapons underneath of it when they came together for peace talks. As you’re surely familiar, we do something slightly different under the mistletoe now – but the core idea lingers!

Many historians also believe the classic Yule log could have some Pagan connections. It’s unclear exactly when or where the tradition was started, but research has shown that prior to the Yule log being brought into the house and burned by German Christians, yule logs were often burned around the solstice as a symbol of the sun’s warmth, and the ashes scattered across fields as the pagan people believed it would increase the abundance of their next harvest.

A traditional advent wreath
A traditional Advent wreath

Another example is the Advent wreath. An iconic Christmas decoration made of fir branches, decorative ribbons, and holly strung together in a circular shape.

Believers place candles on the wreath and light them throughout Advent, symbolizing Christ’s endless and everlasting grace and love.

While Christians have been making wreaths and lighting candles for centuries, this tradition actually traces back to paganism. In the dark, unforgiving Scandinavian winter, pagans would light candles and place them around a wheel in an appeal to the gods for warmer days ahead, particularly around the winter solstice as a plea for the sun to return.

And long before the circle of the wreath came to symbolize Christian eternal life, it was embraced by many pagan people as a symbol of protection. Some historians even believe hung on doors.

So Advent wreaths and Advent candles are taken from ancient pagan traditions. But what about the season’s most recognizable decoration?

An Evergreen Holiday

Sorry, even the iconic Christmas tree isn’t a Christian original. Evergreen trees were used as a winter solstice decoration thousands of years before Christianity, and ancient pagans decorated their temples with fir branches and their homes with fir trees.

Why? Fir trees represented fertility (of both human and earth) to many ancient European cultures, as did the first ‘Christmas tree decorations’ – flowers, nuts, and fruits.

In fact, when you boil it down to the essentials, just about everything was about sex, warmth, or food. Maybe some things never change.

As it turns out, Christmas trees as we know them now didn’t really exist until the 16th century, when German nobility started decorating royal courts with them, complete with a golden leaf on top.

As late as the 1800s, Christmas trees were viewed as a pagan custom by some cultures – including by many people in the United States. That, of course, has changed.

It turns out even gift-giving could have a connection to some ancient faiths! While many link the annual giving of gifts at Christmas to the story of the 3 Wise Men bringing gifts to the infant Jesus, historians have made an even older link with the ancient Roman festival of Siggilaria.

While the festival was originally set up so that people could visit the market to buy small pieces of pottery with candles in them (called sigilla) as an offering to the god Saturn, over time the festival grew and as the Romans became more wealthy they started buying and selling gifts for one another at the Siggilaria market.

Old Gods and the New

And of course, the entire Advent season culminates in Christmas on December 25th. By now, you surely aren’t surprised to learn that even that particular date has some Pagan connections!

December 25th, history teaches us, was initially selected as the date for Christmas each year because it was also the date that many ancient people had for generations celebrated the re-birth of the god of the sun, Sol.

The early Catholic church figured that by sliding in the birth of the Son of God on the same day as the birth of the God of the sun, it would be a cinch to get people to start celebrating the newer Christian holiday. It took a few years and some occasional chastising from early popes, but eventually, most people got the message and transitioned over.

So this Advent season, as you’re hanging the wreath, lighting the candles, and decorating the tree, take a moment to acknowledge how holiday traditions have evolved. These customs we hold so dear grow, change, and even merge with one another over time.

Much has changed during the past millennium, but by the same token, much has also stayed the same – it’s simply been repackaged.”

Seasons Greetings from the Never Give Up Institute!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized.