Approximately 12 million women in the United States experience clinical depression each year.* 
About one in every eight women can expect to develop clinical depression during their lives. Since I’m one of those eight, I’m asked a lot about what depression really feels like. The following description gives you an idea how deep and hopeless depression is like:
My eyes open slowly adjusting to the dull throb of morning. I stare at the white, speckled ceiling trying to convince myself to move, but I can’t.
My body feels like 600 pounds ground into the mattress — too heavy to climb out, too deep to surface.
It’s another morning, and another bout of depression.
I want to cry, but I can’t. I’m past the point of tears. I’m terrified and tumbling out-of-control into the nothingness of hopelessness. All I can feel is dread and pain.
My bones feel as if they are being twisted and pulled apart. My fingers are swollen like little breakfast sausages. The ache in my lower back is something akin to corporal punishment.
The nerves in my head drum to a deafening rock and roll beat.
My bed has gone from being my refuge to a torture chamber.
I slowly sit up and cringe at the onslaught of memories.
I have nothing to get up for.
I have nothing to look forward to.
I have nothing to get excited about.
I have nothing but nothing.
I open the blinds and stare out at the day. The sun is shining, the air is fresh with Spring, and the neighbors are busy going to work. I shut the blinds?
Why?
Why me?
Why must I feel this way?
Why can’t I be happy?
Why can’t I look forward to a brand new day?
Why must I be depressed?
Again?
Why?
STOP!
When I feel this way it’s time for me to talk to someone I trust — a friend, a sister, a therapist, or a person of faith. Depression is a disease and not an issue of lacking willpower. It can be paralyzing and disabling and can turn successful people into failures.
Antidepressants can take away the sharp edge of depression, but they aren’t cures for this mental illness. They aren’t “happy pills” that suddenly transform me from a dark brooding creature into a slapstick comedian.
Depression is serious, so take it seriously. This world needs a lot more slapstick comedians than brooding creatures.
* Statistics from Mental Health America
Never give up . . . ever!
Alex Acker-Halbur
You must be logged in to post a comment.