“Where are You Christmas, Why Can’t I Find You?”

Dear Wellness Seekers:

When I was a child, Christmas was a time of wonder and surprise. Relatives joined us for lunch at our house and the merriment was audible. The family gathered for the purpose of well-wishes and happiness. Now, this year, I ask, “Where are You Christmas, Why Can’t I Find You?”

Dreaded Phone Calls

I got one of those phone calls that I dread. My brother told me that my nephew Steve had died from COVID. My heart sank and my soul cried. How could this happen? Steve was 54, a good man, and a wonderful father. He developed MS many years ago, and his doctors advised him not to get the COVID vaccinations due to his compromised immune system. They were afraid that the vaccines would affect his health — but not getting the vaccines took his life. There is no winning when it comes to COVID.

I used to babysit Steve and his two sisters. The three were rascals and he was their leader, but he was always a kind older brother. Steve was a big guy with a huge heart. I loved him so much.

Get Vaccinated!

PLEASE give yourself a gift of life this Christmas by getting vaccinated, and get the booster, too. Forget all those conspiracy theories and lies that you’ve heard about the virus. In reality, over 800,000 people have died from COVID. Now, that number includes my nephew Steve. I will always remember his smile.

Peace to you, Steve, and know that I will love you forever.

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized. To order her book, Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illnessclick here, or her newly published fictional novel, THE BEAR: In the Middle of Between click here.

 

Minnesota’s Author Fair

Hello Never Give Up Institute Seekers and Followers:

I’m going live at the Minnesota’s Author Fair on Saturday, November 13, 2021, in beautiful Stillwater, MN. I’d love it if you could stop by and visit with me. I can tell you about all the BIG PROJECT I’m working on at the Institute. It’s going to be amazing. I’ll have all my books and workbook to sell on that day. These would be great gifts for the holidays. Many of the authors who will be there that day are from my Women on Writing (WOW) chapter. They’re really wonderful women with their own award-winning books. Stop by if you can. Thanks!

May be an image of one or more people and text that says 'The Historic Lowell Inn Invites you to a splendid event! In Lovely Stillwater Minnesota Author FAIR Shop early for the holidays! Νου. 10am-4pm 4pm at the Lowell Inn at 102 2nd Street Ν. in Lovely Stillwater, MN We are thrilled to visit Stillwater for an Author's Gathering. You will have books to pur chase and get signed and talk to the authors about their inspiration. If you have questions, you may call Lisa Green at (952) 466-3364 This event is free and open to the public but there is Mohan fee for books.'

Exploring the Connection Between Trauma Healing and Physical Health

[This blog was written for the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and recently published on their website.]

Over 20,000 research studies have been done on the impact of stress on the human body According to medical experts, no one study definitively proves that unresolved stress and trauma can cause physical illness. However, my personal experience has led me to believe that it does.

I am not a medical professional, nor am I a therapist or nurse. What I am is a professional patient who has battled a lifetime of illnesses, from Type 1 diabetes and high blood pressure to Graves’ disease and stage IV colon cancer (twice).

I believe my complex medical history is connected to the sexual abuse I experienced in my childhood. Exploring this connection has been a key component of learning how to heal from trauma.

Facing the Impact of Childhood Trauma

Typically, one of the first lessons children learn is the importance of telling the truth. For children who have experienced physical, emotional, spiritual, or psychological trauma, this lesson becomes confusing and stressful. Frequently threatened and told to lie, children like me are led further and further away from a core value: the authenticity to speak directly from the soul.

The result is often a spiritual loss so deep that recovery from stress and trauma can feel impossible.

Late one night, during a hospital stay for surgery to remove two feet of my colon, I knew I was dying. It was at that moment that I vowed, if I woke up the next morning, I would teach my body, mind, and spirit how to heal.

 

Accepting What Happened to Me Was Not My Fault
My journey to healing required an emotional reset. I had physically survived the trauma, but my emotional wounds remained. I was always sad, hurt, and angry because of the years of emotional issues and suffering I endured. I wanted a person to blame and hold responsible for my pain. I wanted the individuals responsible for the abuse to apologize, but I learned amends rarely happen.

The healing journey is also complicated by the constant reinforcement of victim-blaming attitudes (by peers, courts, and media) that validate what perpetrators have been saying all along – that the abuse was the victim’s fault. Part of my process involved learning and accepting that abuse is neither the victim’s fault nor their responsibility; the responsibility lies solely with the perpetrator.

For years after being abused as a child and sexually exploited by a therapist, I carried around the feeling that I was at fault for these traumatic events because I was not smart enough to know better. In a new therapy group, I was shocked to learn that none of these traumas were my responsibility.

Learning to Heal
Healing started the moment I took back the ability to speak directly from my soul. I also found many other ways to cope and heal:

  • Understanding and telling my story.
  • Finding the strength to withstand abuse myths and disbeliefs.
  • Creating a healthy support system.
  • Checking in with my medical and mental health professionals.
  • Strengthening my immune system.
  • Believing in an inner, astute truth: I am not to blame for the abuse I experienced.

I continued my healing by writing several books including Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness, which won a 2018 Living Now Gold Book Award for books that change people’s lives. Additionally, I reported my abuse to the authorities as a way to take my power back.

The Mind-Body Connection
As I have written in my book, I have come to believe that when people think they are responsible for emotional trauma, this false belief disturbs the mind, body, and spirit — potentially weakening their immune system and leading to stress headaches and muscle tension, depression and fatigue.

Sometimes I worry that the self-blame and negative self-talk following my abuse was actually more harmful to me than the abuse itself. As I blamed myself and took responsibility for my abuse, I found myself in hospitals for illness after illness.

As I look back from an emotionally healed place, I have a message to share: It is our birthright to heal from the abuse we did not ask for or want, and to become the physically healthy person we always wanted to be.

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and an abuse survivor. Now she shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized. You can learn more about her work on this website.

 

 

 

 

How to Safely Move Out of an Abusive Home

GUEST BLOG by Nora Hood

I’m thrilled to introduce you to Nora Hood, a blog writer and today’s guest. Her blog below includes critical information on how to move out of an abusive relationship and home. 

 

(Image courtesy of Pexels)

Find more inspiring articles like this at The Never Give Up Institute’s Blog.

How to Safely Move Out of an Abusive Home

 If you are a victim of domestic abuse, escape might feel hopeless. It can be hard to leave, especially if you have developed a form of codependency with your abuser. No matter what fears you have, leaving an abusive home is the best choice. Once you leave, you will finally be able to start your journey towards being mentally healthy. In order to make it out safely and find a new home, you’ll need to make a good plan.

Be Prepared

Before you leave an abusive partner or family, you should have a plan. You probably won’t be able to take all of your belongings, but you should make a checklist of important things to pack. You will need identification information, personal documents, any money you’ve saved, keys, prescription medicines, etc. You’ll also want to take anything of personal value to you.

If you want to file for a permanent restraining order in the future, then you’ll likely need evidence of the abuse. This could also help you send your abuser to jail. According to WomensLaw.org, evidence could include anything from pictures of your wounds, a personal diary documenting the abuse, objects broken by the abuser, medical reports from the abuse, and testimony in court from you or other witnesses. Having evidence will help protect you in the long-run.

While you will eventually need to purchase a new home, your best option for getting away as soon as possible is by finding a temporary place to stay, whether that is at a friend’s or a family member’s place. You could also stay at a shelter while you’re getting things together.

 Make Your Escape

When you actually leave, you will need to move quickly so you don’t get injured. Don’t try to confront your abuser before you leave because this could make your situation worse. It’s tempting to stand up for yourself, but the safest option is to leave without saying anything. If your abuser has a regular routine, plan to leave when they are out of the house.

In the worst-case scenario, your abuser will catch you leaving and try to confront you. In this case, you should call 911. If you know that a confrontation is likely, you should consider calling 911 as a precaution. If you don’t feel comfortable asking for help from the police, you could also ask a friend to be there with you. Abusers are usually less likely to attack if there is a witness.

Find a New Home

It can be hard to get your life on track, but one of the best ways to get a fresh start is by putting down roots with your very own home. This will give you the sense of independence and control that you crave. As a domestic abuse survivor, your life was in someone else’s hands. Purchasing your own home is just another step of the healing process.

But buying a new home won’t be easy. You’ll need to have a regular source of income and good credit. If your abuser didn’t allow you to have a job, you’ll have to find one, which can be hard after experiencing the trauma of domestic abuse. Another important part of the home purchasing process is determining what you can afford. You’ll need to consider your annual income, the down payment, how much you spend each month, what kind of loan you’ll be taking out, and the location of the home.

Once you’re financially stable enough to buy your own home, take your time to decide which one is best for you. Make sure you do your research on the area and look for a neighborhood with low crime rates so that you can feel safe. After you’ve found the perfect home and moved in, you should make connections with your community. Niche recommends checking out the town calendar and joining local organizations.

Escaping from domestic abuse is hard. The relationship can become addictive, and it can feel like there is no way out. But you deserve to have a happy and fulfilling life. Just make sure that you’re prepared to leave, so you don’t end up injured. If you want to learn more about surviving trauma and healing, The Never Give Up Institute offers a wide variety of information and healing tools that can help you start fresh.

Find more inspiring articles like this on The Never Give Up Institute’s website.

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way numerous times. She survived and now shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized. To order her tools for healing trauma book, Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness, click here. If you would like to read her 2020 published fictional novel, THE BEAR: In the Middle of Between, click here.

Keep Speaking the Truth

Dear Wellness Seekers:

I received this picture and saying from a woman I greatly admire. In fact, this photo and saying are so touching that I wanted to share it with everyone I know. It has a very personal effect on me since some of my siblings have disowned me for speaking publicly about my childhood abuse. I am the only one in our family who admits that my father was the abuser, despite knowing some of my siblings were abused, too. (But that’s their story to tell. I can only write about my story.)

Telling the truth about an issue so despicable is never easy. After I survived Stage IV colon cancer, I finally learned that if I didn’t tell my personal story I was going to die. Sounds dramatic, but it’s the truth. What I learned was I had stuffed all my life’s trauma into my body, mind, and spirit, and the trauma dove deep inside my muscles, cells, organs, and bones. I could never understand why I had so many health conditions, that is until I was diagnosed with cancer – 3 times. In my research to find how I could survive a 6 percent chance of survival, I began to research and pray to keep living. My book, Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness, helped me realize that I had the power to heal myself. (You can view this book on this website.)

Many of my siblings refused to believe and were angry that telling my story was a healing journey. They, in fact, thought I was seeking attention. They knew I’d been abused, but felt the truth should be hidden. Hiding that truth made me deathly ill. I struggled with telling the truth until cancer became a wake-up call for me. Now I believe that the siblings who disowned me are not liars but are living a lie. I never thought they would act against me.

My world has not come to an end and many of my cancers have come and gone making me extremely grateful. That is why I chose to tell the truth.

You can, too!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way numerous times. She survived and now shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized. To order her tools for healing trauma book, Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness, click here. If you would like to read her 2020 published fictional novel, THE BEAR: In the Middle of Between click here.