Trauma

He Who Should Not Be Named

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Trauma , , , , , , , , , , ,

Dear Truth & Wellness Seekers:

Name calling, racial slurs, insulting, belittling, tormenting, religious persecuting, and shaming are all forms of bullying, yet the one type of bullying – that I find the cruelest – is making fun of people with disabilities. Especially when it comes to Joe Biden’s predecessor – “he who should not be named!”

In response to Joe Biden’s exceptional State of the Union address on March 7, 2024, his predecessor is now mocking the President’s stuttering. Stuttering is a legitimate neurologic condition with over three million people in the U.S. suffering from this disability. Like all human disabilities that occur in our country, making fun of anyone with a disability is loathsome.

Cruel & Unhuman Behavior

Only a bully like – he who should not be named – raises my ire. I, too, am disabled and suffer from chronic and deadly illnesses. An estimated 133 million Americans, nearly half of the population, are diagnosed with disabilities. Over 95 percent of the world’s population has an illness.

  • Older Americans are significantly more likely than younger adults to have a disability. Some 46% of Americans ages 75 and older and 24% of those ages 65 to 74 report having a disability, according to estimates from the Census Bureau’s 2021 American Community Survey (ACS).
  • Americans in certain racial and ethnic groups are more likely to have a disability. 

Here’s More. . . 

  • The most common types of disability in the U.S. involve difficulties with walking, independent living, or cognition. According to the ACS, an estimated seven percent of Americans report having serious ambulatory difficulties – struggling with walking or climbing stairs.
  • Americans with disabilities tend to earn less than those who do not have a disability. Those with a disability earned a median of $28,438 in 2021, compared with $40,948 among those without a disability, according to ASC.
  • Disabled Americans have lower rates of technology adoption for desktop and smartphone devices.

These statistics are not jokes; they are extremely real and unkind.

He who should not be named is not human. He feasts on untruths and lies. Misinformation is his bullets, missiles, bombs, and grenades. His threats on our democracy are criminal and he should be punished.

Wake Up World!

He who should not be named is mortal and he can be defeated. He’s in debt and all his businesses are being scrutinized by the law. He cheats and robs everyone. The national debt increased by $7.8 trillion during his presidency. This amount would have found cures for disabilities.

He who should not be named president – for all his appalling crimes against humans. 

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized.

No, LGBTQ+ People Aren’t Filth!

Alexis Acker-Halbur Trauma

NEX BENEDICT. | Instagram     Nex Benedict

Dear Truth and Wellness Seekers:

[The following guest sermon was submitted by Universal Life Church Monastery (ULC) Minister Lorraine Fisher and posted by Universal Life Church Monastery Newsletter on Feb 29, 2024]

The tragic death of 16-year-old nonbinary high school student Nex Benedict has [led] to some difficult conversations – and alarming revelations – in my home state of Oklahoma.

Nex identified as nonbinary, and recently died following an altercation with other students in the Owasso High School bathroom. Details are still coming out regarding the case, and their cause of death has yet to be released by county officials.

It is deeply troubling to see members of a marginalized group targeted with violence, and the tragedy of a human life being lost makes my soul hurt.

Nex not only had to face the anxieties and difficulties of growing up as gender-nonconforming, they also had to do so in a state that has frequently criticized the very existence of LGBTQ+ people. That’s not a struggle I’d wish on anyone.

It’s also why the reactions to this story from Oklahoma leaders like State Senator Tom Woods have me feeling so disturbed.

I want to highlight a response he gave, because I think it’s a perfect illustration of an insidious force at work in Oklahoma (and around the country): the forced injection of a certain kind of Christianity into public life.

Christian Supremacy in Oklahoma?

At a legislative forum, a constituent asked State Sen. Woods if he believed that the numerous anti-LGBTQ+ bills passed by the Oklahoma legislature (and supported by Woods) could have contributed in some way to the assault on Nex.

Woods gave a shocking response.

He said: “I represent a constituency that doesn’t want that filth in Oklahoma. You know we are a religious state. We are going to fight and keep that filth out of the state of Oklahoma because we’re a Christian state.”

If you don’t believe me, audio of this interaction has been posted online:

Freedom, Not Faith, Comes First

I myself am a Christian. I go to church every Sunday. But Oklahoma is not a Christian state. No state is; that’s not how our system works.

Conflating religious beliefs with state identity and the operations of its government runs counter to the principles of religious freedom and inclusivity upon which this country was founded.

The First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution explicitly prohibits the establishment of a state religion and protects the rights of individuals to practice their faith freely, or to choose not to adhere to any religion at all.

The notion of a “Christian state” carries historical baggage that cannot be overlooked. Throughout history, the intertwining of religion and state power has often resulted in oppression, persecution, and violence against religious and sexual minorities.

By explicitly endorsing a specific religion in Oklahoma, State Sen. Woods is advocating for a system that privileges members of that religion above all others.

Here’s what I believe:

Weaponizing the Bible to call the LGBTQ community “filth” helps no one. As Christians, we cannot handwave away violent attacks on the LGBTQ community, even if we do not agree with that lifestyle.

When people assert that Oklahoma – or any other state – is inherently Christian, they marginalize and alienate non-Christians.

Like many others, I worry about declining church attendance numbers, and I hope to see more believers welcomed into the fold in my lifetime.

But, no, Oklahoma is not a Christian state. And that is part of what makes America so beautiful.

Note from Alex: 

This sermon deeply touched my heart, especially after I wrote “What the Hell Type of Therapy is This?” last week. I find it ironic that Mary and her younger sister’s parents moved to Oklahoma. Their parents probably thought they would be praised in Oklahoma for the conflated religious beliefs they hold. “No, Oklahoma is not a Christian state.” Nor are any states in the U.S.

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually traumatized.

What the HELL Type of Therapy Is This?

Alexis Acker-Halbur Healing, Sexual Abuse, T.R.U.T.H. Program, Trauma , , , , , , , , , , , ,
What the HELL Type of Therapy Is This?

Hello Wellness Seekers:

I’ve been absent from my blog writing in the past many months. All I can say is “WOW!” If the sky had fallen it did on my life. Last year, child abuse appeared at my doorstep and I invited her in, along with her sister. Their story is so sad I could hardly cope with the news. I’ve been working with trauma survivors for the past 15 years, but when it strikes you in the gut–right in your family–the response is horrifying. The more I heard the more I was viciously triggered. Nightmares came back in floods and I was triggered each time Mary (not her real name) talked with me. I was so outraged I couldn’t control the anger that kept rising in my throat.

How could her parents do this and continue the abuse for more than a decade? The family knew nothing about what was happening to the girls. Our response: absolute shock, grief and anger.

Mary’s parents are members of a Catholic cult where girl children are made to dress in colorless clothes that cover the entire body. They were homeschooled where religious rules were strictly followed. Mary and her younger sister were told not to say anything to out-of-state relatives.

How could this happen in today’s world? Statistics show that child and domestic abuse are widespread all over the world. Thankfully there are numerous organizations who help abuse survivors cope with their trauma, but unfortunately, there is no treatment to completely heal. Abuse goes into our cells, bones, muscles, and memories and create devastating physical, psychological, and emotional illness. Case in point, Mary’s parents took her to see a Catholic cult therapist. This man had no credentials except he was a “man of God.” Their first meeting with him, he told Mary to sit on his lap. She said no, but her parents (who were in the room) guilted her to the point where she gave in. The first thing this man said was, “Mary, I can feel your genitals.” What the hell type of therapy is this?

Please help abuse survivors contact “credentialed professions” who do no harm to them.

Mary’s parents moved out of California before they were investigated and arrested, leaving Mary and her sister out on the streets. Mary’s sister lives in the alleys of a poor town, trying to find food and shelter. Mary showed up at our door. Hell broke out, but we had no legal options to help them. A county social worker was assigned to Mary’s sister, yet she still lives in the alleys. She’s addicted to drugs, cuts herself with a knife, and is sex-trafficked. This started when she was 16.

Abusive parents should:

  • be fully and completely investigated by Child Protective Services and police.
  • lose their parental rights.
  • have no access to their abused children.
  • get prison sentences.
  • be registered as perpetrators.

Depending on the severity of the abuse, child abuse can be found to be a misdemeanor or a felony in most states.

“According to a Cleveland Clinic podcast, adults who experienced trauma as kids are much more susceptible to depression and mood disorders, as well as thoughts of suicide. They are also likely to abuse alcohol and other substances. Finally, they are more prone to developing chronic illnesses, like diabetes and heart disease, later in life.” [Source: Signs of Childhood Trauma in Adults By Brittany Loggins,  updated on December 04, 2023, and medically reviewed by Ivy Kwong, LMFT]

Despite help from aunts, uncles, and nieces, Mary and her sister are experiencing unresolved mental illness that puts them at tremendous risk. Our help is constantly and legally blocked. We’ve called on many resources, but please respond to this post if you can help us. Thank you!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually traumatized.

 

When Abuse Happens

Alexis Acker-Halbur Healing, Sexual Abuse, T.R.U.T.H. Program, Trauma, Uncategorized , , , , , , , , , , , ,
When Abuse Happens
When Abuse Happens

With the heat this summer came a story of abuse that scorched my soul. A young relative confided in me that she has been sexually, physically, verbally, and spiritually abused since she was a child. Her story broke my heart because I had no idea this was going on. When abuse happens it ignites me and makes me rageful, and it should ignite our communities too!

She was 12 when she was raped and became pregnant. When her abuser found out, he beat her until she miscarried. Her foster parents, members of a Catholic cult, didn’t believe her and accused her of lying. They took her to several “self-proclaimed” Catholic therapists who abused her even more. This story isn’t new and it continues to repeat itself day after day.

How Can We Make It Stop?

The best way to make abuse stop is to ask questions. Don’t assume that the child is telling lies and fabricating stories. Ask them if someone hurt them, if they were sexually forced to do things, and if they are/were threatened by an adult. Then listen! Listen to children’s and teen’s story without judging them. Remember they ARE severely traumatized and need medical and emotional support. And please, don’t assume they will get over the abuse. Abuse, no matter what kind, sinks into our cells and damages our bodies. If you ignore the signs, you are making a deadly choice!

It Takes a Village!

Child and domestic abuse is happening every second of every day and night. If you know a child or teen who seems belligerent, emotionally distant, or detached, ask them what’s hurting them. Be aware that your questions can trigger an emotional dam and can blindside you. Abuse stories are real and terrifying, but don’t shut down. Survivors need you to understand and act on their behalf.

Did This Trigger Memories of My Own Abuse?

Yes! I’ve spent the summer dealing with anger and rage. I’ve become quiet trying to absorb her story and dealing with her pain and mine. Get out of your comfort zone and help these survivors. Don’t assume we’re just weird. We’re traumatized and need guidance on how to go forward and reclaim our lives!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually traumatized.

April is Prevent Child Abuse Month

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Never Give Up, Sexual Abuse, T.R.U.T.H. Program, Trauma , , , , , ,
April is Prevent Child Abuse Month

This article comes from the American Society for the Positive Care of Children (American SPCC). I thank SPCC for allowing me to reprint this article.

Beyond Abuse Prevention: It’s more than physical

Trauma and abuse can take many forms including physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, neglect, exploitation, and more. When we speak of child maltreatment, we normally first think of physical abuse, but the shocking truth is that neglect is the number one form of child abuse in America.

What signs should parents or other caregivers notice to identify the various types of abuse? 

Every individual responds different to the trauma of abuse, but these are some common indicators to look out for:

  • Physical Abuse: Unexplained bruises, welts, burns, or other injuries
  • Emotional Abuse: Overly adoptive behaviors including inappropriate adult behavior and Inappropriate infant behavior
  • Physical or Emotional: Behavioral extremes including aggressiveness, withdrawal, frightened of parents, and afraid to go home
  • Sexual: Pain or itching in genitalia area or bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual behavior or knowledge
  • Neglect: Consistent hunger, poor hygiene, inappropriate dress, and consistent lack of supervision, especially in dangerous activities or long periods

Create safe spaces for your children to communicate big feelings with you. It’s important that you validate their feelings for the small things, so when big things happen, they know you will be there for them.

When should I report abuse?

Familiarizing yourself with the signs and symptoms of a child’s maltreatment and recognizing it is essential to prevent a child from further abuse and harm and allow them to begin the process of healing.

Any Mandated Reporter will tell you that when in doubt, report. 

For lots of people, reporting can feel scary because we don’t want to be the cause of children being removed from their homes. The intake professionals at your state agency are highly trained, and it will be up to them on how to move forward in a way that is safest for the child, which does not always include family separation.

It’s also important to note that potential signs of abuse that are connected to neglect may sometimes be indicators of poverty rather than negligence. In these instances, homes are full of love but lack the resources to provide the way that they would want. Rather than reporting abuse, in this case, consider asking if the parents are receiving all the public benefits available to them in your area, so they can more fully provide a home where children are well fed, clothed, and rested.

When parents have necessary resources and knowingly deprive children of their basic needs, unfortunately that is considered neglect. There is a drastic difference between a family-unit that is filled with love and care, versus a situation that deprives children of their basic needs. It’s important to be mindful of the nuances of circumstances. However, ultimately our number one priority must be the safety of the child. It truly takes a village to raise happy and healthy children.

Let’s lift people up if we can, and become advocates and safe havens for children who need us most.

What if I realize I have been unintentionally causing my child harm?

Realizing when our parenting has its own imperfections that may impact our children is a huge step in healing families. Nobody is perfect. It is never too late to acknowledge our own traumas to adjust our individual parenting styles to better meet our and our children’s physical and emotional needs.

The best thing parents can do is to educate themselves on their ACES in combination with evidence-based parenting styles to build tools to create positive environments that raise children to be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults. Self-awareness takes time, patience, and a lot of giving grace to yourself; but you’re not alone!

Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who are or have been traumatized.