Perpetrators In Our Midst

Perpetrators In Our Midst

For years, I could never understand how Adolf Hitler (who was inspired by Benito Mussolini), Joseph Stalin, and Vladimir Putin could rise to power and commit such acts of evil destruction. Looking at Donald Trump (who is inspired by Putin), and reading this article, I now fully understand how the American people voted for him.

I’m always struck by how, after some act of violence and crime, fraud/[manipulation], or abuse, everyone laments: Someone must have known! Why didn’t they say anything? And yet, time after time, it seems those who are in a position to see [the truth] are sidelined, discredited, or disbelieved.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/shadow-boxing/201406/3-signs-inconspicuous-predator-in-your-midst

This quote makes me clearly see and understand how Donald Trump got elected as our U.S. President – because he’s a perpetrator.

Perpetrators of family and domestic violence [and political crimes] can vary in age and be from any socio-economic demographic, cultural background, ethnicity, or religion. They can occupy any profession or live in any geographic region. Perpetrators can be any gender, however, the vast majority are male (Bagshaw & Chung 2000).

To effectively respond to family and domestic violence, it is important to understand the tactics used by perpetrators including those adopted to hurt and/or frighten victims (coercion) and those designed to isolate and/or regulate them (control). Perpetrators of family and domestic violence are very much in control of these behaviors and are ultimately the only ones that have the capacity to change the situation (No to Violence 2005).

Perpetrators can be good at hiding the violence, publicly presenting as kind, loving, charming and likeable, but behave in cruel, violent, undermining and manipulative ways in private.

Perpetrators as fathers (and Republican Senators)

[Men] who perpetrate family and domestic violence [and political harm] are associated with particular characteristics. They are likely to use controlling behaviors and physical discipline, to display more anger with their [victims], to have unrealistic expectations and poor developmental understandings of appropriate behavior at different ages and stages. Many of these characteristics are underpinned by a sense of entitlement.

The role of fathers [and republican senators] can be central to men’s identity and is a significant motivator for [disruption]. Entitlement thinking prevails in their attitudes and they often see their child [American people] as their investment or possession, or as someone who should love them unconditionally.

It is uncommon for men who use violence [coercion, threats, manipulation, and secrets] to recognize that their violence toward [others]; this in turn prevents them from seeing or understanding the impact on their [victims].

Just as these men prioritize their own needs when relating to [others who seem weak], they can feel justified in neglecting basic care and using violence/[crime] against [who] fail to comply with their expectations.

When fathers who have perpetrated violence/[crime] often privilege their ‘right’ for contact over the traumatic harm that this might cause [others]. In this way, as in many others, these men put their own needs and wants ahead of those of [everyone else].

[Source: https://www.dcp.wa.gov.au/CrisisAndEmergency/FDV/Documents/2015/FactSheet3Perpetratorcharacteristics.pdf]

References:

  • Bagshaw D & Chung D 2000, Women, Men and Domestic Violence, Commonwealth of Australia, Canberra.
  • No to Violence 2005, Men’s Behavior Change group work: A Manual for quality practice, No to Violence, Melbourne.
  • Department for Child Protection 2013, Perpetrator accountability in Child Protection Practice – A resource for child protection workers about engaging and responding to men who perpetrate family and domestic violence, Government of Western Australia, Perth.

You may not agree with me about this article, however, it makes a clear case for why so many Republican Senators are terrified of Trump.

Never give up when looking for the TRUTH!

Verbal Abuse IS Domestic Abuse

Verbal Abuse IS Domestic Abuse
Dear Wellness Seeker, 

I received this email this morning from NO MORE Foundation and thought I would spread the word. The holidays are extremely stressful and angry words can ruin the season. If you or someone you know is being verbally abused, PLEASE help yourself or them with reading this article. Thank you NO MORE Foundation for your commitment to and work for abuse survivors.

Did you know that nearly half of all women and men in the U.S. have experienced verbal abuse from a partner? Today, we are proud to announce that NO MORE is teaming up with the National Resource Center on Domestic Violence (NRCDV) to send a clear message: Verbal abuse IS domestic violence. 

Verbal abuse is an often-overlooked component of intimate partner violence. It is difficult to detect, assess, and substantiate, and many cases go unreported. Some victims of verbal and emotional abuse may not even consider themselves victims, because they associate domestic violence only with physical abuse. But the scars of verbal abuse —taunting, name-calling, criticism, and threats — can be just as insidious and damaging to those who experience it. 

That’s why NO MORE and NRCDV are launching the #NOMOREVerbalAbusecampaign and website. The website contains: Information and graphics about verbal abuse and information on how to recognize healthy and unhealthy relationships. The #NOMOREVerbalAbuse Pledge. A toolkit containing shareable resources  Printable #NOMOREVerbalAbuse signage. Verbal abuse survivor stories  Supporters of the campaign are encouraged to take the pledge via the website to join this effort. Additionally, you can now use your Alexa-enabled device to join the campaign and spread the word that verbal abuse is not acceptable. Simply say, “Alexa, open NO MORE” and “Register Your Voice” against verbal abuse today.

We want all survivors of verbal abuse to know that we see them, we hear them, and they are not alone. Join us in spreading the message: Verbal abuse IS domestic violence. And we say NO MORE. Click here to tweet your support.   Learn More  

New 2019 Cancer Survey

New 2019 Cancer Survey

First Survivor Views Survey Highlights Barriers to Addressing Side Effects of Cancer Treatment

Washington, D.C. – Barriers to accessing appropriate therapies to address the physical and psychological side effects of cancer treatment continue to persist for patients and survivors, according to survey results from the American Cancer Society Cancer Action Network (ACS CAN).

Survivor Views, an initiative launched by ACS CAN in January, established a national cohort of cancer patients and survivors to complete a series of six individual surveys focusing on a range of public policy issues important to the cancer patient and survivor community. The results of the first survey, which are being released today, focus on patient experiences treating the symptoms and side effects of their cancer and access to supportive or palliative care services.

The survey found patients and survivors experience a wide range of symptoms and side effects as a result of their cancer care. While effective treatments exist for several of these physical and psychological side effects, the survey results indicate many patients and survivors are not accessing them for a variety of reasons.  Fifty-five percent of respondents reported physical limitations or difficulties completing tasks as a result of their cancer care, but only 26 percent reported being referred to physical, occupational or speech therapy by their health care provider. Similarly, 51% of patients reported anxiety or depression as a result of their cancer while only 10% reported being referred to a mental health provider for additional therapy.

Many survivors also reported adverse symptoms or pain well after their active treatment concluded. Of survey respondents who reported pain or other symptoms during treatment, two-thirds noted the symptoms resulting from their cancer or treatment continued well after active treatment concluded.

“Too many cancer patients and survivors are not receiving the appropriate treatments and therapies that would alleviate the side effects of their cancer care,” said Lisa Lacasse, ACS CAN president. “At a time when our health care system is facing incredible pressure to evolve, it’s clear that our approach to health care must become more holistic and provide patients with better coordinated options to alleviate the physical and psychological side effects of a cancer diagnosis. This coordinated, patient-centered care must continue well into survivorship as patients continue to live with the lasting side effects of their cancer and its treatment.”

Barriers to accessing prescription drug treatments to alleviate pain that often accompanies cancer treatment were also apparent in the survey results. Over half of cancer patients or survivors participating in the survey who have been prescribed opioids in the last 12 months voiced concern about their future ability to access appropriate pain medications. More than 40 percent of these respondents had already experienced barriers to accessing pain treatment.  Respondents reported these barriers had direct adverse impacts on their lives, including inability to work or participate in family or social events, setbacks in their ongoing cancer treatment, and the need for additional emergency care to treat uncontrolled pain.

Survivor Views is providing ACS CAN with timely, firsthand information that will drive our advocacy efforts forward, giving cancer survivors a voice in the issues directly affecting their lives,” Lacasse said. “The release of the first survey results focusing on patient experiences with treating pain and other side effects associated with a cancer diagnosis provides valuable insight into the shortcomings patients face in trying to manage their symptoms on a day-to-day basis and highlights that symptoms can extend months and years after treatment concludes.”

I found these survey results to be right on. Too many cancer survivors continue to deal with pain and side effects years after treatment. Now there’s proof! Thank you ACA for doing this enlightening survey!

Never Give Up!!!


I felt I had to tell the truth!

I felt I had to tell the truth!

In a recent article in TIME magazine, Lyz Lenz wrote a brilliant article “Shouting Into the Void: How many personal stories must women share to convince others of their humanity?” I am moved by this article, so I want to share some of it with you, and then a few comments from me.

“Women have long been compelled to share their most private moments in order to convince others of their humanity.”

“As more men, including the President of the United States, have been publicly accused of assault and misconduct, and more states have passed laws that restrict our abilities to make decisions about our own health care, women have been repeatedly reminded of this country’s disregard for our bodily autonomy [independence] and indifference to the reality of our lives.”

I came out publicly years ago stating that I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused by my father. I’m not the only one in our family, but I’ve chosen to let these siblings tell their own stories, yet, I needed to let go of this painful secret because it was causing my health and wellness to disintegrate. Yes, I became ill time after time because my mind, body, and spirit were overwhelmingly stressed due to the memories of my father and his abuse.

How many women must come forth and tell their stories until the world acknowledges that women are often abused and degraded every day by men? And it is not just in the U.S., women are harshly treated all over the globe. With online media, stories and stories of abuse are appearing daily, yet it does not seem like action is being taken to keep women safe.

I want to be safe in this life, and that means I do not want men to assume “I like” being abused and raped, because I do not!

“The President, who been accused of sexual misconduct by more than a dozen women, still sits in the White House, still overseeing a political system, still nominating judges to lifetime roles, stripping away our control over our own bodies. He’s denied all allegations, and the nation, by and large, has shrugged them off too.”

When powerful, rich men decide women are equal humans, we can get the dark secrets out in the open without feeling ashamed and start healing.

Thank you, Lyz Lenz, for your superb but sad article. Never Give Up, Lyz!!!


Do Something!

Do Something!

I haven’t written a post for quite some time. I admit that this year has me on edge with all the mass shootings, political divide, immigration crisis, and unemployment. Did I miss anything?

Even though I’m an advocate for HOPE, I must say that 2019 has really been a trial for me. Every time news knocks me down, I try to get back up. With the multitude of chaos in our lives, getting up is slower and slower. Do you feel the same?

I refuse to give in to fear. Fear does nothing except cause more fear. Once it begins, it’s like a live fuse already burning toward the end. Can it be stopped?

Yes, but the answer is complex and so many of us want the simple way out. THERE IS NO SIMPLE WAY OUT! We have to go through the flames of fear.

Fear slithers around our bodies, captures our minds, and floods our spirits with darkness. Fear creates stress, stress causes illness, and illness leads to death. How do we stop this dangerous spiral?

We refuse to listen to fear! We find the truth and shed light on the lies. Fear cannot exist when the truth is always told and the light is always on. No one has the power to make us fear – not our bodies and, certainly, not our country!

Stress from Fear Is Like a Three-legged Stool

The healthy connection between the body, mind, and spirit is often pictured as a three-legged stool. If stress takes one leg, the entire stool collapses. The same works for the other legs. Remove one part and your health suffers. Total balance of your body, mind, and spirit results in true healing of fear and stress.

Keep your body, mind, and spirit strong against fear and stress. This way, you’ll understand that fear is fickle and your special connection can release the stress.

How do you handle fear and stress? I would greatly appreciate your answers to this question.

Remember: Never Give Up!