With the heat this summer came a story of abuse that scorched my soul. A young relative confided in me that she has been sexually, physically, verbally, and spiritually abused since she was a child. Her story broke my heart because I had no idea this was going on. When abuse happens it ignites me and makes me rageful, and it should ignite our communities too!
She was 12 when she was raped and became pregnant. When her abuser found out, he beat her until she miscarried. Her foster parents, members of a Catholic cult, didn’t believe her and accused her of lying. They took her to several “self-proclaimed” Catholic therapists who abused her even more. This story isn’t new and it continues to repeat itself day after day.
How Can We Make It Stop?
The best way to make abuse stop is to ask questions. Don’t assume that the child is telling lies and fabricating stories. Ask them if someone hurt them, if they were sexually forced to do things, and if they are/were threatened by an adult. Then listen! Listen to children’s and teen’s story without judging them. Remember they ARE severely traumatized and need medical and emotional support. And please, don’t assume they will get over the abuse. Abuse, no matter what kind, sinks into our cells and damages our bodies. If you ignore the signs, you are making a deadly choice!
It Takes a Village!
Child and domestic abuse is happening every second of every day and night. If you know a child or teen who seems belligerent, emotionally distant, or detached, ask them what’s hurting them. Be aware that your questions can trigger an emotional dam and can blindside you. Abuse stories are real and terrifying, but don’t shut down. Survivors need you to understand and act on their behalf.
Did This Trigger Memories of My Own Abuse?
Yes! I’ve spent the summer dealing with anger and rage. I’ve become quiet trying to absorb her story and dealing with her pain and mine. Get out of your comfort zone and help these survivors. Don’t assume we’re just weird. We’re traumatized and need guidance on how to go forward and reclaim our lives!
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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually traumatized.