Dear Victims of Clergy Abuse:
You thought your priest was a hero, super-human, and god-like. You looked up to him because you knew he was supposed to be good, kind, and caring. At first, you couldn’t believe what he was asking you to do. He may have said something like, “It’s God’s love.” Or, “I’m saving you from rotten souls.” Of course now you know it was all lies — lies and deceit. And these lies made your soul hurt and your heart ache. You may think that your body is turning against you because you have migraines or suffer from a depression that won’t go away. You tried to bury what the priest did to you so you wouldn’t have to remember, but, the scenes play over and over again in your mind. You want it to stop. You may have thought about killing yourself.
You can heal your mind, body, and spirit from this abuse with the right tools.
In my book, Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness, I have a list of proven tools to heal the wounds you carry. Here are a few to help you get started:
1. It’s not your fault. When adults force themselves on children, young adults, and other adults this is a criminal, punishable act. You are protected by laws. This is called rape.
2. You are not responsible for the harm he caused you. You didn’t deserve to be treated so harshly. Your needs were not being met and you weren’t being protected. This is called sin.
3. You are responsible for getting help. There are many psychological and medical professionals who can help you heal from your trauma. These professionals take an oath to make sure no one, not even a priest or bishop, can hurt you. You can be honest and direct with these professionals. They only want to help you. But you have to make a commitment to heal yourself even when it’s not your fault.
4. Please cry and be angry. You have the right to cry and be angry about what was done to you. Your body needs to release all the anger and hurt that you’ve suffered. Tears are needed to let go of the lies you were told.
5. God did not do this to you. If your abuser told you that being sexual with him was an act of God, this is an absolute lie. God never agrees to such evil behavior.
6. You are loved. You may not feel lovable, but you are loved by lots people who know what was done to you was wrong.
7. You will survive this trauma. You aren’t meant to live in misery. We all have the choice to build loving lives and to exist in peace. No one has the right to take this away from you.
8. Breathe. Frightening memories can take our breath away. Remember to breathe in and out deeply to allow your body and mind to relax. Fill your lungs with fresh air so that your mind stays clear. Breathing relaxes tight muscles, so breathe away.
9. Learn to forgive but not forget. Trying to forget this trauma is pointless. It happened. Don’t let it paralyze you. Start by forgiving yourself first. Remember, you didn’t ask to be hurt and harmed. Forgiving your abuser takes a long time, but in years to come, your anger will turn into good energy. Do good things for yourself and others.
10. Live in the moment. We have no control over the past. What is done is done. Don’t stop dreaming about what you want in your future. But, all we really have is this moment, and in this moment we can feel love and peace or anger and sadness. You can choose.
I’m so sorry this happened to you, but I send you loving blessings to heal you and make you strong.
Never Give Up!
