Believe in YOU!

Alexis Acker-Halbur Cancer, Did you know?, Healing, Never Give Up, T.R.U.T.H. Program , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hello Wellness Seekers:

This is my new post after a long hiatus. I’ve been so busy with writing my next book, Your Moment of T.R.U.T.H., that I’ve sorely neglected my website posts. For those of you who are still checking in on a regular basis for new posts, I want to thank you for your loyalty to this website. Your support means everything to me.

For this holiday season, I want to encourage you to believe. Believe in yourself and believe that you will do wonderful things, such as listening for positive messages, remembering your great memories, doing good things for others, and believing in universal peace. At a time of prolonged pandemics, we need to concentrate on the beauty in our lives, like catching a snowflake on our tongue, seeing all the bright lights of the season, keeping warm against winter’s icy chill. If we forget — we have nothing.

Winters here in Minnesota are long and arduous.

I spent yesterday shoveling our driveway. I stopped at one point to listen to the snow falling. Many people believe that there’s no sound when snowflakes fall, but I BELIEVE I can hear them. It’s a silence so profound that it makes me tear up. When I sit at my computer, all I have to do is look to the right and I can see deer strolling through our backyard. This makes me smile. In my office, I have a very big sign that says, Believe, because this is such a special word for me, and it always will be.

Fall in Canada

I visited Canada this past fall and explored Banff and Lake Louise. I even went on a four-mile hike up the St. Agnes Tearoom trail. It took us two and a half hours to scale and two hours to come back down. There were many times I wanted to stop, but after a rest, we continued. This was the most difficult hike in my life and yet I made it. ME! Me who climbed the mountain, survived Stage IV colon cancer — twice, had two near-death experiences, and have had insulin-dependent diabetes for almost 50 years. I’m not only a believer, I’m also an achiever. I’m proud of my accomplishments and I truly believe in my strength, courage, and love. Yet, I know I’m no different than many of you. As wellness seekers, you’re on a journey to climb those mountain trails, bike across your state, and look for the good in everything.

If you’re feeling depressed or anxious during this time of year, remember to believe in yourself, because if you believe you’ll experience the very good in this life. Happy holidays!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized. To order her book, Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness, click here, or her newly published fictional novel, THE BEAR: In the Middle of Between click here.

 

When Abuse Happens

Alexis Acker-Halbur Healing, Sexual Abuse, T.R.U.T.H. Program, Trauma, Uncategorized , , , , , , , , , , , ,
When Abuse Happens
When Abuse Happens

With the heat this summer came a story of abuse that scorched my soul. A young relative confided in me that she has been sexually, physically, verbally, and spiritually abused since she was a child. Her story broke my heart because I had no idea this was going on. When abuse happens it ignites me and makes me rageful, and it should ignite our communities too!

She was 12 when she was raped and became pregnant. When her abuser found out, he beat her until she miscarried. Her foster parents, members of a Catholic cult, didn’t believe her and accused her of lying. They took her to several “self-proclaimed” Catholic therapists who abused her even more. This story isn’t new and it continues to repeat itself day after day.

How Can We Make It Stop?

The best way to make abuse stop is to ask questions. Don’t assume that the child is telling lies and fabricating stories. Ask them if someone hurt them, if they were sexually forced to do things, and if they are/were threatened by an adult. Then listen! Listen to children’s and teen’s story without judging them. Remember they ARE severely traumatized and need medical and emotional support. And please, don’t assume they will get over the abuse. Abuse, no matter what kind, sinks into our cells and damages our bodies. If you ignore the signs, you are making a deadly choice!

It Takes a Village!

Child and domestic abuse is happening every second of every day and night. If you know a child or teen who seems belligerent, emotionally distant, or detached, ask them what’s hurting them. Be aware that your questions can trigger an emotional dam and can blindside you. Abuse stories are real and terrifying, but don’t shut down. Survivors need you to understand and act on their behalf.

Did This Trigger Memories of My Own Abuse?

Yes! I’ve spent the summer dealing with anger and rage. I’ve become quiet trying to absorb her story and dealing with her pain and mine. Get out of your comfort zone and help these survivors. Don’t assume we’re just weird. We’re traumatized and need guidance on how to go forward and reclaim our lives!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually traumatized.

The Difference Between Faith and Ideology

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Healing, Sexual Abuse, Uncategorized
The Difference Between Faith and Ideology

A statue of a crying angelFrom Vatican News comes a bombshell — the difference between faith and ideology.  Pope Francis says, “It’s true that there are imperialisms that want to impose their ideology. […when] culture is distilled and turned into ideology, it’s poison. Culture is used, but distilled into ideology. We must distinguish the culture of a people from the ideologies that then appear from some philosopher, some politician of that people. And I say this for everyone, also for the Church.”

Is he talking about Donald Trump and his gang of goons? Yes, definitely. White men who make up the majority of PEDOPHILES! CRIMINALS! ABUSERS! It’s their ideas about owning women and children, seeing them as property to do what they want — not what is right! I’m so tired of these men treating me like a second class citizen. Ancient societies understood the role of Mother and found ways to strengthen cultures — NOT destroy them.

What Ideas Are White Men Fostering?

Here’s a list:

  1. Males and females are not equal.
  2. Women don’t have the right brains to make decisions.
  3. Children should be seen and not heard.
  4. A wife’s place is in the kitchen.
  5. Women and children are a man’s property and must obey him without question.

WOW! Making this list has made me sick! If it makes you sick then you are truly my favorite readers.

Where Do These Crazy Ideals Come From?

Crazy ideas come from crazy people. People who want power and are so greedy they will take away what cultures need.  There are so many countries in this world that take away people’s freedom and rights. As Pope Francis said, “An ideology is incapable of incarnation; it is only an idea. But when ideology gathers strength and becomes politics, it usually becomes a dictatorship, right? It becomes an incapacity to dialogue, to move forward with cultures. And imperialisms do this. Imperialism always consolidates starting from an ideology.”

I never thought I’d quote the Pope, but he drew a line, “In the Church too we must distinguish doctrine from ideology: true doctrine is never ideological, never.” So, white men you are on notice. We know you’re trying to become dictators. History continually shows us how dictators accomplished their ideas — they didn’t!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually,  spiritually traumatized.

When I Died

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Healing, Never Give Up, Sexual Abuse , , , , , ,
When I Died
Death

When I died there was no body to bury, no ashes to disperse, and no mourner tears. There wasn’t a celebration of my life or any newspaper notification that I was gone. I was 50 years old, too young to perish so soon. I was the only one at my death, well, my deceased mother and me. She asked me to go with her, but I knew that would be my final journey in this lifetime. I shook my head no and she walked back toward the illuminous light. I died!

A Real Death Experience.

That was my first “near” death experience when I was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. I’m reluctant to call it a “near” death experience because I was so awake and conscious of my surroundings. I knew I was in a hospital bed and that I had surgery. I felt no pain, yet, my mother was right in front of me and I could clearly see her face and hear her voice. She gently opened her arms to me.

Was I gone three minutes or three hours? I was confused when I opened my eyes. The room was dark except for the blinking lights on the medical monitors. Then came the pain, a tidal wave of agony so fierce that it took my breath away. I clicked on the nurse’s button and waited for someone to help me.

Jean Died in March of 2007.

I died again in May of 2010, or maybe I should say the woman I was died of Stage IV colon cancer — it came back in my liver. Her name was “Jean” and she was me until the death experiences. When I returned to my hospital bed, I knew Jean had died, and I was happy. Jean grew up in a family of nine children. She was the middle child, often stubborn and angry. Jean was the cause of disturbances in the family, crying and screaming. To shut down her wildness, her father physically and sexually abused her and told her she was belligerent. He controlled Jean with fear and harm. He would glare at her to keep her in-line at the dinner table. And when her father was angry, all her siblings left the house in a hurry to get out of his way. Too defiant, Jean stood her ground, which incensed him more. He wasn’t going to let her win in their daily struggles. He beat her until she grew quiet, but her eyes flashed hatred as she retreated to her bedroom.

So Much Sorrow to Bear.

In the inside, Jean grew up lonely because she had no one to talk to. She only cried in the bathroom so she could wash aways her tears. She had lots of friends who thought she was funny and alive, but the deadness in her soul made her moody. Jean feared family gatherings because she didn’t want to see or talk to her father. She avoided “going home” on many occasions. Jean knew her mother understood what she was doing, but still begged Jean to come home on the holidays. After years of trying, and with a great amount of sorrow, her mother finally gave up on Jean, too.

Now, as Alex, I fully understand the growing years. I apologize to those who I hurt in my struggles to survive, and I’m deeply sorry for the horrible things I did and said. I’m not Jean anymore because I realize the world isn’t so dark (well, it is in many places), and people are kind and gentle. These people are the ones helped me build a better, more hopeful, life!

Please Don’t Call Me Jean!

Yes, a part of me died. There was no one to bury, no ashes to disperse, and no mourner tears. I no longer suffer from terrible nightmares and memories. I don’t hate anymore and I’m open to welcoming my family back into this new life. But please don’t call me Jean. She died and no longer lives inside me.

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually,  spiritually traumatized.

The Root of Evil

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Healing, Never Give Up , , , , , ,
The Root of Evil
July 4th for Freedom for All!

I read this morning’s newspaper, particularly an article on how the U.S. Supreme Court ruled against the LGBTQIA+ in defending homophobic artists and sellers from providing services to this community. Is this the 1960’s again? Was there a time warp? Was I asleep for the last 20 years? We have advanced our rights for equality for the gay community, now, we are falling back into scary, dark times.

 

Do you wonder why things seem off-balance right now? Just read about the GOP and the far-right movement, and you will understand that these groups are trying to send women’s and equal rights into the past.

I married my wife in 2013 when same-sex marriages became legal in the U.S. That was the most beautiful day in my entire life! Though we had been together for 20 years before this, our marriage certificate is one of the most precious documents we own. Hope was my savior! When Donald Trump became president and the GOP started making noise about making same-sex marriages illegal, fear washed over me.

Fear Is the Root Cause of Evil

Fear is a very disabling and paralyzing emotion that can be seen and felt all around our world. Children and adults all know how it feels to be afraid. Planet Earth is reeling with evil. From country to country, evil is being perpetuated by people who want to rule the world. Men such as Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, Joseph Stalin, Benito Mussolini, Adolf Hitler, Ron DeSantis, Mitch McConnel, and yes, even Pat Robertson, are/were all planters of hate and evil. Religion is also a part of the root cause of evil. By saying they are disciples of God, these men spread disease, mayhem, misogyny, and abuse.

How Do They Perpetuate Fear?

The prominent level of evil is putting a massive amount of stress on those of us who want and fight for a fair and equal society. Men, in their pursuit of power, do everything evil to attain a sense of being the most powerful person. They buy enormous amounts of property, build huge buildings, take over countries, and convince people to give money. They create power through fear! Over the years, these men have enslaved Black people, women, and the LGBTQIA+ community through legislation and lies. We are told we will lose our rights as discrimination explodes.

How Can We Protect Ourselves from Evil Men?

  • First, we need to take pride in who we are! All of us being happy and joyous for the work and service we give to the world.
  • Second, we stop listening to the lies and myths created by men who want to destroy us.
  • Third, we keep voting for politicians who respect each one of us as good people and abide by fair and equal laws.
  • Fourth, we destroy all myths and stories that say we are less.
  • Fifth, honor our lives for our creativity, skills, commitment, determination, and hope.

As we head toward July 4th, I ask all of you to stand up and acknowledge our diversity, cultures, beliefs, and freedoms. We are a free people, and evil men cannot take this country down.

Women are also evil, but men have held the throne of fear from the beginning of time. I will not be fearful!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually,  spiritually traumatized.

April is Prevent Child Abuse Month

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Never Give Up, Sexual Abuse, T.R.U.T.H. Program, Trauma , , , , , ,
April is Prevent Child Abuse Month

This article comes from the American Society for the Positive Care of Children (American SPCC). I thank SPCC for allowing me to reprint this article.

Beyond Abuse Prevention: It’s more than physical

Trauma and abuse can take many forms including physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, neglect, exploitation, and more. When we speak of child maltreatment, we normally first think of physical abuse, but the shocking truth is that neglect is the number one form of child abuse in America.

What signs should parents or other caregivers notice to identify the various types of abuse? 

Every individual responds different to the trauma of abuse, but these are some common indicators to look out for:

  • Physical Abuse: Unexplained bruises, welts, burns, or other injuries
  • Emotional Abuse: Overly adoptive behaviors including inappropriate adult behavior and Inappropriate infant behavior
  • Physical or Emotional: Behavioral extremes including aggressiveness, withdrawal, frightened of parents, and afraid to go home
  • Sexual: Pain or itching in genitalia area or bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual behavior or knowledge
  • Neglect: Consistent hunger, poor hygiene, inappropriate dress, and consistent lack of supervision, especially in dangerous activities or long periods

Create safe spaces for your children to communicate big feelings with you. It’s important that you validate their feelings for the small things, so when big things happen, they know you will be there for them.

When should I report abuse?

Familiarizing yourself with the signs and symptoms of a child’s maltreatment and recognizing it is essential to prevent a child from further abuse and harm and allow them to begin the process of healing.

Any Mandated Reporter will tell you that when in doubt, report. 

For lots of people, reporting can feel scary because we don’t want to be the cause of children being removed from their homes. The intake professionals at your state agency are highly trained, and it will be up to them on how to move forward in a way that is safest for the child, which does not always include family separation.

It’s also important to note that potential signs of abuse that are connected to neglect may sometimes be indicators of poverty rather than negligence. In these instances, homes are full of love but lack the resources to provide the way that they would want. Rather than reporting abuse, in this case, consider asking if the parents are receiving all the public benefits available to them in your area, so they can more fully provide a home where children are well fed, clothed, and rested.

When parents have necessary resources and knowingly deprive children of their basic needs, unfortunately that is considered neglect. There is a drastic difference between a family-unit that is filled with love and care, versus a situation that deprives children of their basic needs. It’s important to be mindful of the nuances of circumstances. However, ultimately our number one priority must be the safety of the child. It truly takes a village to raise happy and healthy children.

Let’s lift people up if we can, and become advocates and safe havens for children who need us most.

What if I realize I have been unintentionally causing my child harm?

Realizing when our parenting has its own imperfections that may impact our children is a huge step in healing families. Nobody is perfect. It is never too late to acknowledge our own traumas to adjust our individual parenting styles to better meet our and our children’s physical and emotional needs.

The best thing parents can do is to educate themselves on their ACES in combination with evidence-based parenting styles to build tools to create positive environments that raise children to be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults. Self-awareness takes time, patience, and a lot of giving grace to yourself; but you’re not alone!

Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who are or have been traumatized.