When Abuse Happens

When Abuse Happens
When Abuse Happens

With the heat this summer came a story of abuse that scorched my soul. A young relative confided in me that she has been sexually, physically, verbally, and spiritually abused since she was a child. Her story broke my heart because I had no idea this was going on. When abuse happens it ignites me and makes me rageful, and it should ignite our communities too!

She was 12 when she was raped and became pregnant. When her abuser found out, he beat her until she miscarried. Her foster parents, members of a Catholic cult, didn’t believe her and accused her of lying. They took her to several “self-proclaimed” Catholic therapists who abused her even more. This story isn’t new and it continues to repeat itself day after day.

How Can We Make It Stop?

The best way to make abuse stop is to ask questions. Don’t assume that the child is telling lies and fabricating stories. Ask them if someone hurt them, if they were sexually forced to do things, and if they are/were threatened by an adult. Then listen! Listen to children’s and teen’s story without judging them. Remember they ARE severely traumatized and need medical and emotional support. And please, don’t assume they will get over the abuse. Abuse, no matter what kind, sinks into our cells and damages our bodies. If you ignore the signs, you are making a deadly choice!

It Takes a Village!

Child and domestic abuse is happening every second of every day and night. If you know a child or teen who seems belligerent, emotionally distant, or detached, ask them what’s hurting them. Be aware that your questions can trigger an emotional dam and can blindside you. Abuse stories are real and terrifying, but don’t shut down. Survivors need you to understand and act on their behalf.

Did This Trigger Memories of My Own Abuse?

Yes! I’ve spent the summer dealing with anger and rage. I’ve become quiet trying to absorb her story and dealing with her pain and mine. Get out of your comfort zone and help these survivors. Don’t assume we’re just weird. We’re traumatized and need guidance on how to go forward and reclaim our lives!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually traumatized.

April is Prevent Child Abuse Month

April is Prevent Child Abuse Month

This article comes from the American Society for the Positive Care of Children (American SPCC). I thank SPCC for allowing me to reprint this article.

Beyond Abuse Prevention: It’s more than physical

Trauma and abuse can take many forms including physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, neglect, exploitation, and more. When we speak of child maltreatment, we normally first think of physical abuse, but the shocking truth is that neglect is the number one form of child abuse in America.

What signs should parents or other caregivers notice to identify the various types of abuse? 

Every individual responds different to the trauma of abuse, but these are some common indicators to look out for:

  • Physical Abuse: Unexplained bruises, welts, burns, or other injuries
  • Emotional Abuse: Overly adoptive behaviors including inappropriate adult behavior and Inappropriate infant behavior
  • Physical or Emotional: Behavioral extremes including aggressiveness, withdrawal, frightened of parents, and afraid to go home
  • Sexual: Pain or itching in genitalia area or bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual behavior or knowledge
  • Neglect: Consistent hunger, poor hygiene, inappropriate dress, and consistent lack of supervision, especially in dangerous activities or long periods

Create safe spaces for your children to communicate big feelings with you. It’s important that you validate their feelings for the small things, so when big things happen, they know you will be there for them.

When should I report abuse?

Familiarizing yourself with the signs and symptoms of a child’s maltreatment and recognizing it is essential to prevent a child from further abuse and harm and allow them to begin the process of healing.

Any Mandated Reporter will tell you that when in doubt, report. 

For lots of people, reporting can feel scary because we don’t want to be the cause of children being removed from their homes. The intake professionals at your state agency are highly trained, and it will be up to them on how to move forward in a way that is safest for the child, which does not always include family separation.

It’s also important to note that potential signs of abuse that are connected to neglect may sometimes be indicators of poverty rather than negligence. In these instances, homes are full of love but lack the resources to provide the way that they would want. Rather than reporting abuse, in this case, consider asking if the parents are receiving all the public benefits available to them in your area, so they can more fully provide a home where children are well fed, clothed, and rested.

When parents have necessary resources and knowingly deprive children of their basic needs, unfortunately that is considered neglect. There is a drastic difference between a family-unit that is filled with love and care, versus a situation that deprives children of their basic needs. It’s important to be mindful of the nuances of circumstances. However, ultimately our number one priority must be the safety of the child. It truly takes a village to raise happy and healthy children.

Let’s lift people up if we can, and become advocates and safe havens for children who need us most.

What if I realize I have been unintentionally causing my child harm?

Realizing when our parenting has its own imperfections that may impact our children is a huge step in healing families. Nobody is perfect. It is never too late to acknowledge our own traumas to adjust our individual parenting styles to better meet our and our children’s physical and emotional needs.

The best thing parents can do is to educate themselves on their ACES in combination with evidence-based parenting styles to build tools to create positive environments that raise children to be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults. Self-awareness takes time, patience, and a lot of giving grace to yourself; but you’re not alone!


Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who are or have been traumatized.

Where Does Freedom of Speech End?

The End of Freedom to Speak!

According to the state of Florida, a movie or a book can be banned in schools if one parent complains. What? Yes, that’s right and it seems this trend is creeping out of Florida and into more states – like Tennessee and Wyoming.

Toni Morrison’s book, “The Bluest Eye” is losing her freedom to speak because her book includes a rape scene. Michelangelo’s statue “David” is also being screened because of his naked penis. Additionally, the “Ruby Bridges” movie, created by Disney, is banned because, as one parent says, “It teaches white children to hate black children.”

WHOA!

I’m a published author and I write about trauma, including rape and child abuse. These topics are mentally, socially, physically, and spiritually damaging. Children get hurt, women are assaulted, and men aren’t immune from the effects. Unresolved trauma causes illness and even death. My true story, “Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness” repeatedly proves this. I’m trying my hardest to tell survivors how they can resolve trauma in their minds, bodies, and spirits. Therefore, it takes one parent to object to my book and get it banned in Florida. Why? Because a few of our laws, in this country, are based on a few people’s objections.

Where does freedom of speech end?

It seems to end with one person’s belief that books or movies are found to be offensive. Most writers create fiction and nonfiction to enlighten our world about problems that must be solved. I can tell you that no one writes a book to damage the reader. (Well, horror movies have been known to psyche me out!) Religious beliefs also get in the way of freedom of speech. Is there trauma in the Bible? Sure, look at what happened to Adam and Eve when they were thrown out of paradise? They had to start over in a world with ferocious tigers, poisonous snakes, severe weather conditions, famine, death, and cruelty. Our ancestors prove time and time again that we can and do survive trauma through writing and reading.

Get a Clue, Parents!

As a child grows, she/he/them/they will confront with most, if not many, of the world’s tragedies. Though a life fact, trauma happens even if we shield our children from it, causing kids to grow up frightened, insecure, self-conscious, and unprepared for hardships. Is this what we want for our children? NO! Protecting our children is great but overprotecting them is damaging. How can children see the good in the world if they can’t compare it to the uglies in life?

How You Can Help

Encourage children to read books and watch movies that expand their knowledge and encourage empathy. If your child does see or read something that you find offensive, sit down and talk with them about the reality and truth of the story or movie. What is the lesson? Lessons are everywhere and those children who want to learn will be grateful for the TRUTH!


Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who are or have been traumatized.

More About Why We Lie

More About Why We Lie

Hello Wellness Seekers:

In November of 2016 I wrote a post titled, “Why I Lied.” This post continually receives the most comments of all time. I’m happy that it proves to be helpful to me and my readers.

An Essay Blows Me Away

Today, I read a new article that delves into “why we lie” even deeper. Published in last week’s TIME magazine is an essay titled, “How Secrets Keep Us Sick,” by Sarah Levy, the author of Drinking Games. In her essay, Ms. Levy says:

“There’s research that shows that primates evolved the tendency to tell lies to maximize survival, and  2018 study in Memory and Cognition explains [how] false denial can serve as a coping tool for managing shame and guilt.” Levy states, “I was dreadfully uncomfortable in my own skin and desperate to be someone, anyone, else. It seemed natural to alter the truth when my own reality was painful.”

My Reaction

After reading this statement, I was thrown back to the years I lied. Knowing it was a coping tool to survive my abusive father, I feel no shame or guilt. Some may say “it’s just another denial,” but truth be told, I needed this tool to keep living. I believe in the truth now more than ever, and I see how lies can prevent additional abuse and punishment.

Unfortunately, we don’t know this when we’re young and being abused by a “supposed” loved one, because our brains were not developed enough for us to say, “You’re hurting me,” or “Stop touching me.” An abused child’s lament.

My Advice

If you know a child who lies, find out what’s happening to this child. You may save this child’s life.

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle.
Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times.
She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men
who have been traumatized.

Election Exhaustion

Hello Wellness Seekers!

Oh, I’m so happy the mid-term elections are “almost” over. The hatred expressed by some candidates and parties was appalling. Can’t people just get along together? Why does every commercial, ad, and network have to rip people’s lives apart? The “dirt” doesn’t help anyone, yet adds more hatred. We’ve got to come together as a country. And, yes, I voted!

Okay, I needed to get that out! It’s amazing to feel less stress and I’m actually looking forward to the holiday season. What? The holiday season? Luckily, I only have a few gatherings, so the season should be nice.

Are you stressed out? Now is the time to pick up and read my book, Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness. To order click here. You’ll get more tips and suggestions for getting through the holiday season. Why put yourself in harm’s way? Stress causes illness like the flu andA Book title Never Give Up COVID. Since our emotions are still raw from the elections, it’s best to concentrate on your healAmazonAmazonAmazonth and wellbeing. You’ll enjoy the holidays so much more. From personal experience I learned how to avoid depression, anxiety, moodiness, and painful holiday memories and you can too!

My past posts also provide you with insight on ways to stay away from Winter’s darkness. Sit by a warm fire and drink apple cider while watching the snowflakes fall. I find it so peaceful to see the flakes swirl around and cling to the windows and trees. If I go outside, I can actually hear the snowflakes fall. Can you?

The leaves have dropped off the trees and the colorful Autumn has passed. To heal my sadness, I bought a beautiful Autumn canvas to hang on my wall. It’s so refreshing to get lost in all those colors. I feel great when I look upon this canvas. If you can, find an awesome picture/poster to hang in your room. When the cold wind blasts outside, you can bask in the glow of tranquility.

Remember, NEVER GIVE UP!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized. 

 


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