He Who Should Not Be Named

Dear Truth & Wellness Seekers:

Name calling, racial slurs, insulting, belittling, tormenting, religious persecuting, and shaming are all forms of bullying, yet the one type of bullying – that I find the cruelest – is making fun of people with disabilities. Especially when it comes to Joe Biden’s predecessor – “he who should not be named!”

In response to Joe Biden’s exceptional State of the Union address on March 7, 2024, his predecessor is now mocking the President’s stuttering. Stuttering is a legitimate neurologic condition with over three million people in the U.S. suffering from this disability. Like all human disabilities that occur in our country, making fun of anyone with a disability is loathsome.

Cruel & Unhuman Behavior

Only a bully like – he who should not be named – raises my ire. I, too, am disabled and suffer from chronic and deadly illnesses. An estimated 133 million Americans, nearly half of the population, are diagnosed with disabilities. Over 95 percent of the world’s population has an illness.

  • Older Americans are significantly more likely than younger adults to have a disability. Some 46% of Americans ages 75 and older and 24% of those ages 65 to 74 report having a disability, according to estimates from the Census Bureau’s 2021 American Community Survey (ACS).
  • Americans in certain racial and ethnic groups are more likely to have a disability. 

Here’s More. . . 

  • The most common types of disability in the U.S. involve difficulties with walking, independent living, or cognition. According to the ACS, an estimated seven percent of Americans report having serious ambulatory difficulties – struggling with walking or climbing stairs.
  • Americans with disabilities tend to earn less than those who do not have a disability. Those with a disability earned a median of $28,438 in 2021, compared with $40,948 among those without a disability, according to ASC.
  • Disabled Americans have lower rates of technology adoption for desktop and smartphone devices.

These statistics are not jokes; they are extremely real and unkind.

He who should not be named is not human. He feasts on untruths and lies. Misinformation is his bullets, missiles, bombs, and grenades. His threats on our democracy are criminal and he should be punished.

Wake Up World!

He who should not be named is mortal and he can be defeated. He’s in debt and all his businesses are being scrutinized by the law. He cheats and robs everyone. The national debt increased by $7.8 trillion during his presidency. This amount would have found cures for disabilities.

He who should not be named president – for all his appalling crimes against humans. 

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized.

What the HELL Type of Therapy Is This?

What the HELL Type of Therapy Is This?

Hello Wellness Seekers:

I’ve been absent from my blog writing in the past many months. All I can say is “WOW!” If the sky had fallen it did on my life. Last year, child abuse appeared at my doorstep and I invited her in, along with her sister. Their story is so sad I could hardly cope with the news. I’ve been working with trauma survivors for the past 15 years, but when it strikes you in the gut–right in your family–the response is horrifying. The more I heard the more I was viciously triggered. Nightmares came back in floods and I was triggered each time Mary (not her real name) talked with me. I was so outraged I couldn’t control the anger that kept rising in my throat.

How could her parents do this and continue the abuse for more than a decade? The family knew nothing about what was happening to the girls. Our response: absolute shock, grief and anger.

Mary’s parents are members of a Catholic cult where girl children are made to dress in colorless clothes that cover the entire body. They were homeschooled where religious rules were strictly followed. Mary and her younger sister were told not to say anything to out-of-state relatives.

How could this happen in today’s world? Statistics show that child and domestic abuse are widespread all over the world. Thankfully there are numerous organizations who help abuse survivors cope with their trauma, but unfortunately, there is no treatment to completely heal. Abuse goes into our cells, bones, muscles, and memories and create devastating physical, psychological, and emotional illness. Case in point, Mary’s parents took her to see a Catholic cult therapist. This man had no credentials except he was a “man of God.” Their first meeting with him, he told Mary to sit on his lap. She said no, but her parents (who were in the room) guilted her to the point where she gave in. The first thing this man said was, “Mary, I can feel your genitals.” What the hell type of therapy is this?

Please help abuse survivors contact “credentialed professions” who do no harm to them.

Mary’s parents moved out of California before they were investigated and arrested, leaving Mary and her sister out on the streets. Mary’s sister lives in the alleys of a poor town, trying to find food and shelter. Mary showed up at our door. Hell broke out, but we had no legal options to help them. A county social worker was assigned to Mary’s sister, yet she still lives in the alleys. She’s addicted to drugs, cuts herself with a knife, and is sex-trafficked. This started when she was 16.

Abusive parents should:

  • be fully and completely investigated by Child Protective Services and police.
  • lose their parental rights.
  • have no access to their abused children.
  • get prison sentences.
  • be registered as perpetrators.

Depending on the severity of the abuse, child abuse can be found to be a misdemeanor or a felony in most states.

“According to a Cleveland Clinic podcast, adults who experienced trauma as kids are much more susceptible to depression and mood disorders, as well as thoughts of suicide. They are also likely to abuse alcohol and other substances. Finally, they are more prone to developing chronic illnesses, like diabetes and heart disease, later in life.” [Source: Signs of Childhood Trauma in Adults By Brittany Loggins,  updated on December 04, 2023, and medically reviewed by Ivy Kwong, LMFT]

Despite help from aunts, uncles, and nieces, Mary and her sister are experiencing unresolved mental illness that puts them at tremendous risk. Our help is constantly and legally blocked. We’ve called on many resources, but please respond to this post if you can help us. Thank you!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually, spiritually traumatized.

 

When I Died

When I Died
Death

When I died there was no body to bury, no ashes to disperse, and no mourner tears. There wasn’t a celebration of my life or any newspaper notification that I was gone. I was 50 years old, too young to perish so soon. I was the only one at my death, well, my deceased mother and me. She asked me to go with her, but I knew that would be my final journey in this lifetime. I shook my head no and she walked back toward the illuminous light. I died!

A Real Death Experience.

That was my first “near” death experience when I was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. I’m reluctant to call it a “near” death experience because I was so awake and conscious of my surroundings. I knew I was in a hospital bed and that I had surgery. I felt no pain, yet, my mother was right in front of me and I could clearly see her face and hear her voice. She gently opened her arms to me.

Was I gone three minutes or three hours? I was confused when I opened my eyes. The room was dark except for the blinking lights on the medical monitors. Then came the pain, a tidal wave of agony so fierce that it took my breath away. I clicked on the nurse’s button and waited for someone to help me.

Jean Died in March of 2007.

I died again in May of 2010, or maybe I should say the woman I was died of Stage IV colon cancer — it came back in my liver. Her name was “Jean” and she was me until the death experiences. When I returned to my hospital bed, I knew Jean had died, and I was happy. Jean grew up in a family of nine children. She was the middle child, often stubborn and angry. Jean was the cause of disturbances in the family, crying and screaming. To shut down her wildness, her father physically and sexually abused her and told her she was belligerent. He controlled Jean with fear and harm. He would glare at her to keep her in-line at the dinner table. And when her father was angry, all her siblings left the house in a hurry to get out of his way. Too defiant, Jean stood her ground, which incensed him more. He wasn’t going to let her win in their daily struggles. He beat her until she grew quiet, but her eyes flashed hatred as she retreated to her bedroom.

So Much Sorrow to Bear.

In the inside, Jean grew up lonely because she had no one to talk to. She only cried in the bathroom so she could wash aways her tears. She had lots of friends who thought she was funny and alive, but the deadness in her soul made her moody. Jean feared family gatherings because she didn’t want to see or talk to her father. She avoided “going home” on many occasions. Jean knew her mother understood what she was doing, but still begged Jean to come home on the holidays. After years of trying, and with a great amount of sorrow, her mother finally gave up on Jean, too.

Now, as Alex, I fully understand the growing years. I apologize to those who I hurt in my struggles to survive, and I’m deeply sorry for the horrible things I did and said. I’m not Jean anymore because I realize the world isn’t so dark (well, it is in many places), and people are kind and gentle. These people are the ones helped me build a better, more hopeful, life!

Please Don’t Call Me Jean!

Yes, a part of me died. There was no one to bury, no ashes to disperse, and no mourner tears. I no longer suffer from terrible nightmares and memories. I don’t hate anymore and I’m open to welcoming my family back into this new life. But please don’t call me Jean. She died and no longer lives inside me.

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually,  spiritually traumatized.

April is Prevent Child Abuse Month

April is Prevent Child Abuse Month

This article comes from the American Society for the Positive Care of Children (American SPCC). I thank SPCC for allowing me to reprint this article.

Beyond Abuse Prevention: It’s more than physical

Trauma and abuse can take many forms including physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, neglect, exploitation, and more. When we speak of child maltreatment, we normally first think of physical abuse, but the shocking truth is that neglect is the number one form of child abuse in America.

What signs should parents or other caregivers notice to identify the various types of abuse? 

Every individual responds different to the trauma of abuse, but these are some common indicators to look out for:

  • Physical Abuse: Unexplained bruises, welts, burns, or other injuries
  • Emotional Abuse: Overly adoptive behaviors including inappropriate adult behavior and Inappropriate infant behavior
  • Physical or Emotional: Behavioral extremes including aggressiveness, withdrawal, frightened of parents, and afraid to go home
  • Sexual: Pain or itching in genitalia area or bizarre, sophisticated, or unusual sexual behavior or knowledge
  • Neglect: Consistent hunger, poor hygiene, inappropriate dress, and consistent lack of supervision, especially in dangerous activities or long periods

Create safe spaces for your children to communicate big feelings with you. It’s important that you validate their feelings for the small things, so when big things happen, they know you will be there for them.

When should I report abuse?

Familiarizing yourself with the signs and symptoms of a child’s maltreatment and recognizing it is essential to prevent a child from further abuse and harm and allow them to begin the process of healing.

Any Mandated Reporter will tell you that when in doubt, report. 

For lots of people, reporting can feel scary because we don’t want to be the cause of children being removed from their homes. The intake professionals at your state agency are highly trained, and it will be up to them on how to move forward in a way that is safest for the child, which does not always include family separation.

It’s also important to note that potential signs of abuse that are connected to neglect may sometimes be indicators of poverty rather than negligence. In these instances, homes are full of love but lack the resources to provide the way that they would want. Rather than reporting abuse, in this case, consider asking if the parents are receiving all the public benefits available to them in your area, so they can more fully provide a home where children are well fed, clothed, and rested.

When parents have necessary resources and knowingly deprive children of their basic needs, unfortunately that is considered neglect. There is a drastic difference between a family-unit that is filled with love and care, versus a situation that deprives children of their basic needs. It’s important to be mindful of the nuances of circumstances. However, ultimately our number one priority must be the safety of the child. It truly takes a village to raise happy and healthy children.

Let’s lift people up if we can, and become advocates and safe havens for children who need us most.

What if I realize I have been unintentionally causing my child harm?

Realizing when our parenting has its own imperfections that may impact our children is a huge step in healing families. Nobody is perfect. It is never too late to acknowledge our own traumas to adjust our individual parenting styles to better meet our and our children’s physical and emotional needs.

The best thing parents can do is to educate themselves on their ACES in combination with evidence-based parenting styles to build tools to create positive environments that raise children to be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults. Self-awareness takes time, patience, and a lot of giving grace to yourself; but you’re not alone!


Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who are or have been traumatized.

Where Does Freedom of Speech End?

The End of Freedom to Speak!

According to the state of Florida, a movie or a book can be banned in schools if one parent complains. What? Yes, that’s right and it seems this trend is creeping out of Florida and into more states – like Tennessee and Wyoming.

Toni Morrison’s book, “The Bluest Eye” is losing her freedom to speak because her book includes a rape scene. Michelangelo’s statue “David” is also being screened because of his naked penis. Additionally, the “Ruby Bridges” movie, created by Disney, is banned because, as one parent says, “It teaches white children to hate black children.”

WHOA!

I’m a published author and I write about trauma, including rape and child abuse. These topics are mentally, socially, physically, and spiritually damaging. Children get hurt, women are assaulted, and men aren’t immune from the effects. Unresolved trauma causes illness and even death. My true story, “Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness” repeatedly proves this. I’m trying my hardest to tell survivors how they can resolve trauma in their minds, bodies, and spirits. Therefore, it takes one parent to object to my book and get it banned in Florida. Why? Because a few of our laws, in this country, are based on a few people’s objections.

Where does freedom of speech end?

It seems to end with one person’s belief that books or movies are found to be offensive. Most writers create fiction and nonfiction to enlighten our world about problems that must be solved. I can tell you that no one writes a book to damage the reader. (Well, horror movies have been known to psyche me out!) Religious beliefs also get in the way of freedom of speech. Is there trauma in the Bible? Sure, look at what happened to Adam and Eve when they were thrown out of paradise? They had to start over in a world with ferocious tigers, poisonous snakes, severe weather conditions, famine, death, and cruelty. Our ancestors prove time and time again that we can and do survive trauma through writing and reading.

Get a Clue, Parents!

As a child grows, she/he/them/they will confront with most, if not many, of the world’s tragedies. Though a life fact, trauma happens even if we shield our children from it, causing kids to grow up frightened, insecure, self-conscious, and unprepared for hardships. Is this what we want for our children? NO! Protecting our children is great but overprotecting them is damaging. How can children see the good in the world if they can’t compare it to the uglies in life?

How You Can Help

Encourage children to read books and watch movies that expand their knowledge and encourage empathy. If your child does see or read something that you find offensive, sit down and talk with them about the reality and truth of the story or movie. What is the lesson? Lessons are everywhere and those children who want to learn will be grateful for the TRUTH!


Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who are or have been traumatized.