Time’s Up!

The recent plea for Oprah Winfrey to run for president in 2020 is an insightful look into how we, as Americans, are so hungry for a president who can communicate clearly and without blame or shame. Someone who will raise us up in difficult times and voice our current state of dismay. Oprah’s words at the Golden Globes last Sunday night were more than inspiring — they need to be shared across our country. We NEED to hear that “Time’s Up” on sexual assault and harassment. No more secrecy, let’s bring those who prey on women, girls, and boys to justice!

But it takes more than words to eliminate the crimes of powerful people. It takes a movement where we join our hands together in solidarity and shout out that it’s not okay to hurt others. It’s time for us to vote for politicians who are outraged by the disarray of our country. Politicians who believe in women’s stories and a justice system who punishes criminals and not victims. The #metoo movement has started but we need to keep it going. We need to be LOUD to make our voices heard. And we must stop electing politicians who have dark and evil private lives.

I HATE listening to the news, I HATE reading the newspaper, and I HATE watching TV where women are called “ineffective,” “liars,” and “whores.” It’s time for men to stop hating women for the gifts we bring to our country and our world. Name calling and sexual harassment are not ways to achieve respect and dignity. They are only ways to lose it.

I say this to power-hungry men: you don’t own me, you can’t tell me how to dress or how to act, you can’t say I must be silent, you can’t touch my body anytime you want, you have no control over my life, you have no right to spit in my face, you have no authority to tell me who I can marry, and, most of all, YOU ARE NOT GOD!

I just had to say this because “it’s time!”

Never, ever give up.

Alexis Acker-Halbur

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Emotional Trauma’s Root: The Lie or Misbelief

When I was a child my parents said they loved me and would protect me — it’s what all parents should tell and show their children. Unfortunately, the statistics show a different story: Millions of children are reported as abused and neglected every year.” http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-15193530

I believe that at the root of emotional trauma there’s a lie or misbelief. Either the parents lie, or children are led to believe something that isn’t the truth. Saying one thing and doing another is a critical mistake in the human psyche. How many of us have heard the adage: “actions speak louder than words?” If you tell a child that he/she will be protected, yet turn around and physically or sexually abuse them, this psychological trauma becomes part of who they are. Time doesn’t heal emotional abuse on its own.

“People tend to have the most difficulty healing from trauma deliberately caused by others. The most serious and difficult to treat trauma occurs when violence or emotional wounds are inflicted by a person on whom the victim is dependent (i.e., a parent-child relationship).” To cope with the trauma, many people turn to substance abuse, depression, eating disorders, anxiety, and PTSD, or develop a personality disorder. http://www.activebeat.com/your-health/8-distressing-facts-on-emotional-trauma/8/

Wikipedia defines a lie as “a statement that is known or intended by its source to be misleading, inaccurate, or false.” We’ve all told “little white lies” in our lives, but to tell a child that you love her/him and then physically harm them is nothing but cruel and damaging.

We’ve called out the Catholic Church for it’s lying about priests abusing boys; we’re now calling out powerful men in the media, entertainment field, work place, and politics to stop lying about sexually harassing and assaulting women. NOW is the time to stop the lying about abusing our children and make it a criminal offense to emotionally, physically, psychologically, and spiritually harm children. It’s not a secret anymore!

“We must learn to recognize early signs of abuse in order to help save the 5 children that die every day from child abuse and neglect.” https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse-statistics/ Don’t lie to your children. Show them what true love is all about.

NEVER GIVE UP!

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Why I Lied

angel-1807726_1280As a child I made snow angels below my bedroom window to keep me protected. I needed to do this because Dad would sometimes come into my bedroom and do bad things to me. When morning came I was always comforted to see my snow angel right where I made her.

But one winter morning, I looked out the window and my snow angel was gone.

Dad had come into the bedroom the night before and hurt me. I so needed the comfort of my snow angel but there was no sign of her. “I’m a bad girl,” I remembered saying to myself. I must have failed my snow angel because she left.

Children sexually and physically abused by a parent think they are responsible for what they believe is punishment for “being bad.” Their minds are too young to call it “sex” — or, more correctly, “rape.” The only reason I could think of when my Dad abused me was that I was bad. I told lies because he threatened to hurt my Mom if I revealed “our secret.” As I grew, I told a lot of lies to cover up the truth. The simple truth was that I didn’t want my Dad to hurt my Mom. I loved her so much and the thought of her being hurt — deeply and horribly haunted me.

I told lies to protect myself never imagining I was harming myself more by lying. It was a cruel cycle and it continued for decades. At one point I realized that nobody believed my lies BUT, they didn’t want to believe the truth either. 

I had to learn to forgive myself for the lies and this in no way was easy. I now know that telling the truth is healthier than telling lies. I continue to tell the truth in all my relationships.

My snow angel didn’t fail me. The wind whisked her off to protect other children in my town.

Snow angels never give up!

If you have a comment about this blog, please do so in the space provided. Healing from child abuse is one of the best ways to strengthen your immune system. Don’t let secrets make you sick!!!

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