More About Why We Lie

More About Why We Lie

Hello Wellness Seekers:

In November of 2016 I wrote a post titled, “Why I Lied.” This post continually receives the most comments of all time. I’m happy that it proves to be helpful to me and my readers.

An Essay Blows Me Away

Today, I read a new article that delves into “why we lie” even deeper. Published in last week’s TIME magazine is an essay titled, “How Secrets Keep Us Sick,” by Sarah Levy, the author of Drinking Games. In her essay, Ms. Levy says:

“There’s research that shows that primates evolved the tendency to tell lies to maximize survival, and  2018 study in Memory and Cognition explains [how] false denial can serve as a coping tool for managing shame and guilt.” Levy states, “I was dreadfully uncomfortable in my own skin and desperate to be someone, anyone, else. It seemed natural to alter the truth when my own reality was painful.”

My Reaction

After reading this statement, I was thrown back to the years I lied. Knowing it was a coping tool to survive my abusive father, I feel no shame or guilt. Some may say “it’s just another denial,” but truth be told, I needed this tool to keep living. I believe in the truth now more than ever, and I see how lies can prevent additional abuse and punishment.

Unfortunately, we don’t know this when we’re young and being abused by a “supposed” loved one, because our brains were not developed enough for us to say, “You’re hurting me,” or “Stop touching me.” An abused child’s lament.

My Advice

If you know a child who lies, find out what’s happening to this child. You may save this child’s life.

 ______________________________
Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle.
Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times.
She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men
who have been traumatized.

Startling Statistics from NO MORE

Stop child abuse

Hello Wellness Seekers:

I received this email today from an organization called, NO MORE: Together We Can End Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault. If you’re not on their mailing list, I want to make sure you know the startling statistics of rising abuse in our pandemic world.

STOP CHILD AND DOMESTIC ABUSE NOW!

 

Friend,

Today at a special virtual convening, NO MORE proudly joined with the Commonwealth Secretariat to launch a timely new “Commonwealth Says NO MORE” initiative. The effort is aimed at helping the 54 Commonwealth of Nations member countries address and prevent violence against women and girls.

The pandemic and the resulting lockdowns have dramatically increased incidents of abuse around the world, with calls to domestic violence helplines rising by up to 300% and abuse-related killings higher than normal. It is now estimated that COVID-19 is likely to cause a one-third reduction in progress towards ending gender-based violence by 2030.

The Commonwealth of Nations makes up nearly one-third of the world’s population. Together—with the Commonwealth Secretariat, the government ministers, high commissioners, business leaders, women’s advocates and celebrities who attended today’s convening and who are lending their voices to the Commonwealth Says NO MORE effort—we can help provide support needed now for victims of abuse and engage billions in efforts to stop domestic and sexual violence once and for all.

Therefore, the new Commonwealth Says NO MORE effort is critical, not only to respond to the immediate crisis but also to create longer-term solutions to prevent domestic and sexual violence. As a vital first step, today we unveiled the first-ever pan-Commonwealth digital portal, which offers countries and civil society organizations easy-to-use tools and resources to boost their efforts in helping victims and those at risk, and educating communities.

The portal also provides victims with access to critical information, including local helplines, shelters, safety guidance, and legal aid—a service particularly important in communities where the pandemic has disrupted such support.

Please, check out the new portal and take the pledge to join us. Thank you very much!

LEARN MORE

Pamela Zaballa
NO MORE Global Executive Director

_____________________________

Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized. To order her book, Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness, click here, or her newly published fictional novel, THE BEAR: In the Middle of Between click here.

I’m in a Funk!

I’m in a Funk!

Hi Never Give Up Institute Blog Readers:

I so apologize for not updating my blog site for a while. I’ve been in a funk lately — yes, it happens to all of us. I’ve started a new novel and I’m thrilled to be back in the land of fiction. I’m resorting to fiction because, frankly, reality is too scary for me. Every morning I search the newspaper headlines for some hope that our world isn’t going down the drain. But, alas, the news is all about what we can’t do rather then what we can do.

I attended the Women’s March in January in St. Paul, MN. I was there to add my presence to the six million people (my alternate fact) who feel the funk like I do. It was an amazing day! We were surrounded by a peaceful recognition that our country is seriously in trouble. And, our MN legislators know it, too. I found several hours of solidarity with people who believe in hope and not fear. If we want something to change we often must fight for it. I’m a funk fighter.

My calendar today has the quote: “There is so much that [the Divine Spirit] wants to show you, but your fear gets in the way. Give it to [her], right here, right now.” And this is what I’m going to do right here, right now. I understand now that my funk is really fear and I need to find a sense of hope. I’m glad to have my calendar to help me understand my feelings. So here I go . . .

I LOVE my country! I LOVE my freedom! I LOVE my friends and family! I LOVE my life! I LOVE my wife and dog!!! And, I LOVE the Divine Spirit for protecting me from fear!

Okay, I feel so much better. I hope you do, too.

NEVER GIVE UP LOVE & HOPE!!!

Reviving My Soul

Reviving My Soul

Okay, I admit I lost my soul after last year’s election day. We didn’t reach the outcomes I wanted, and I didn’t see how I could possibly live in a country where misogyny and predator behavior is lauded. I even stopped praying. I gave up the hope that our world was being watched over and protected, and that right is always right. Dark clouds seemed to be everywhere and I knew I wasn’t alone in my feelings and fears.

Then I opened a 2017 calendar I got for Christmas. The quote for the day read, “Don’t be afraid. The Great Spirit loves you. And she has heard your prayer.” 

WOW! Was my prayer really heard? The quote prodded my soul and I began to feel love trickle into my being. I spent 40 days and 40 nights in terror and now I  was told to be unafraid. What am I afraid of? Of course, it’s always the things I have no control over, like hatred, abuse, and ignorance. I only have control over me! So, it’s time for me to stop being afraid and to start living again. I need to start today and take small steps in reviving my soul.

I hope you will take today and revive your soul, too. Fear can’t exist where love does. Choose to love yourself and others — even if they don’t have the same beliefs as you. Maybe they are trying to teach us something new. If we turn away we may never see the true miracle.

It’s a new year — zoom, zoom your soul!

And, never give up!

Dalai Lama says: “NEVER GIVE UP”

Dalai Lama says:  “NEVER GIVE UP”

While I was soaking up the sun and ocean in Mexico last week, I heard the following from the Dalai Lama:dalai-lama-1169298_960_720

“No matter what is going on
Never give up
Develop the heart
Too much energy in your country
Is spent developing the mind
Instead of the heart
Be compassionate
Not just to your friends
But to everyone
Be compassionate
Work for peace
In your heart and in the world
Work for peace
And I say again
Never give up
No matter what is going on around you
Never give up.”

I was so pleased to hear the Dalai Lama use my favorite mantra. He’s right, we need to be more compassionate to everyone, especially during this time of political sabotage. I’m so weary of the taunts and shouts that get yelled at our communities.

I will work for peace. Will you?