survival

When I Died

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Healing, Never Give Up, Sexual Abuse , , , , , ,
When I Died
Death

When I died there was no body to bury, no ashes to disperse, and no mourner tears. There wasn’t a celebration of my life or any newspaper notification that I was gone. I was 50 years old, too young to perish so soon. I was the only one at my death, well, my deceased mother and me. She asked me to go with her, but I knew that would be my final journey in this lifetime. I shook my head no and she walked back toward the illuminous light. I died!

A Real Death Experience.

That was my first “near” death experience when I was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer. I’m reluctant to call it a “near” death experience because I was so awake and conscious of my surroundings. I knew I was in a hospital bed and that I had surgery. I felt no pain, yet, my mother was right in front of me and I could clearly see her face and hear her voice. She gently opened her arms to me.

Was I gone three minutes or three hours? I was confused when I opened my eyes. The room was dark except for the blinking lights on the medical monitors. Then came the pain, a tidal wave of agony so fierce that it took my breath away. I clicked on the nurse’s button and waited for someone to help me.

Jean Died in March of 2007.

I died again in May of 2010, or maybe I should say the woman I was died of Stage IV colon cancer — it came back in my liver. Her name was “Jean” and she was me until the death experiences. When I returned to my hospital bed, I knew Jean had died, and I was happy. Jean grew up in a family of nine children. She was the middle child, often stubborn and angry. Jean was the cause of disturbances in the family, crying and screaming. To shut down her wildness, her father physically and sexually abused her and told her she was belligerent. He controlled Jean with fear and harm. He would glare at her to keep her in-line at the dinner table. And when her father was angry, all her siblings left the house in a hurry to get out of his way. Too defiant, Jean stood her ground, which incensed him more. He wasn’t going to let her win in their daily struggles. He beat her until she grew quiet, but her eyes flashed hatred as she retreated to her bedroom.

So Much Sorrow to Bear.

In the inside, Jean grew up lonely because she had no one to talk to. She only cried in the bathroom so she could wash aways her tears. She had lots of friends who thought she was funny and alive, but the deadness in her soul made her moody. Jean feared family gatherings because she didn’t want to see or talk to her father. She avoided “going home” on many occasions. Jean knew her mother understood what she was doing, but still begged Jean to come home on the holidays. After years of trying, and with a great amount of sorrow, her mother finally gave up on Jean, too.

Now, as Alex, I fully understand the growing years. I apologize to those who I hurt in my struggles to survive, and I’m deeply sorry for the horrible things I did and said. I’m not Jean anymore because I realize the world isn’t so dark (well, it is in many places), and people are kind and gentle. These people are the ones helped me build a better, more hopeful, life!

Please Don’t Call Me Jean!

Yes, a part of me died. There was no one to bury, no ashes to disperse, and no mourner tears. I no longer suffer from terrible nightmares and memories. I don’t hate anymore and I’m open to welcoming my family back into this new life. But please don’t call me Jean. She died and no longer lives inside me.

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with people who are or have been emotionally, physically, sexually,  spiritually traumatized.

Where Does Freedom of Speech End?

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Healing, Never Give Up, Sexual Abuse, T.R.U.T.H. Program, Trauma , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The End of Freedom to Speak!

According to the state of Florida, a movie or a book can be banned in schools if one parent complains. What? Yes, that’s right and it seems this trend is creeping out of Florida and into more states – like Tennessee and Wyoming.

Toni Morrison’s book, “The Bluest Eye” is losing her freedom to speak because her book includes a rape scene. Michelangelo’s statue “David” is also being screened because of his naked penis. Additionally, the “Ruby Bridges” movie, created by Disney, is banned because, as one parent says, “It teaches white children to hate black children.”

WHOA!

I’m a published author and I write about trauma, including rape and child abuse. These topics are mentally, socially, physically, and spiritually damaging. Children get hurt, women are assaulted, and men aren’t immune from the effects. Unresolved trauma causes illness and even death. My true story, “Never Give Up: Break the Connection Between Stress and Illness” repeatedly proves this. I’m trying my hardest to tell survivors how they can resolve trauma in their minds, bodies, and spirits. Therefore, it takes one parent to object to my book and get it banned in Florida. Why? Because a few of our laws, in this country, are based on a few people’s objections.

Where does freedom of speech end?

It seems to end with one person’s belief that books or movies are found to be offensive. Most writers create fiction and nonfiction to enlighten our world about problems that must be solved. I can tell you that no one writes a book to damage the reader. (Well, horror movies have been known to psyche me out!) Religious beliefs also get in the way of freedom of speech. Is there trauma in the Bible? Sure, look at what happened to Adam and Eve when they were thrown out of paradise? They had to start over in a world with ferocious tigers, poisonous snakes, severe weather conditions, famine, death, and cruelty. Our ancestors prove time and time again that we can and do survive trauma through writing and reading.

Get a Clue, Parents!

As a child grows, she/he/them/they will confront with most, if not many, of the world’s tragedies. Though a life fact, trauma happens even if we shield our children from it, causing kids to grow up frightened, insecure, self-conscious, and unprepared for hardships. Is this what we want for our children? NO! Protecting our children is great but overprotecting them is damaging. How can children see the good in the world if they can’t compare it to the uglies in life?

How You Can Help

Encourage children to read books and watch movies that expand their knowledge and encourage empathy. If your child does see or read something that you find offensive, sit down and talk with them about the reality and truth of the story or movie. What is the lesson? Lessons are everywhere and those children who want to learn will be grateful for the TRUTH!

Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survives and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who are or have been traumatized.

More About Why We Lie

Alexis Acker-Halbur Did you know?, Healing, Never Give Up, Sexual Abuse, T.R.U.T.H. Program, Trauma , , , , , , , , ,
More About Why We Lie

Hello Wellness Seekers:

In November of 2016 I wrote a post titled, “Why I Lied.” This post continually receives the most comments of all time. I’m happy that it proves to be helpful to me and my readers.

An Essay Blows Me Away

Today, I read a new article that delves into “why we lie” even deeper. Published in last week’s TIME magazine is an essay titled, “How Secrets Keep Us Sick,” by Sarah Levy, the author of Drinking Games. In her essay, Ms. Levy says:

“There’s research that shows that primates evolved the tendency to tell lies to maximize survival, and  2018 study in Memory and Cognition explains [how] false denial can serve as a coping tool for managing shame and guilt.” Levy states, “I was dreadfully uncomfortable in my own skin and desperate to be someone, anyone, else. It seemed natural to alter the truth when my own reality was painful.”

My Reaction

After reading this statement, I was thrown back to the years I lied. Knowing it was a coping tool to survive my abusive father, I feel no shame or guilt. Some may say “it’s just another denial,” but truth be told, I needed this tool to keep living. I believe in the truth now more than ever, and I see how lies can prevent additional abuse and punishment.

Unfortunately, we don’t know this when we’re young and being abused by a “supposed” loved one, because our brains were not developed enough for us to say, “You’re hurting me,” or “Stop touching me.” An abused child’s lament.

My Advice

If you know a child who lies, find out what’s happening to this child. You may save this child’s life.

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle.
Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times.
She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men
who have been traumatized.

Think Beyond Your Genes

Alexis Acker-Halbur Never Give Up, Trauma, Uncategorized , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

This article comes from Bruce Lipton’s newsletter, Think Beyond Your Genes. I reprinted it here so you can read what’s happening in our evolution. Some parts may seem creepy, but I can say Mr. Lipton has been right-on on a number of occasions. I hope you enjoy this article as it may change how you think about our future.

Hello Dear Friends, Cultural Creatives & Seekers Everywhere,

Evolution in Process

Crisis ignites evolution. The challenges and crises the world faces today are
signs that change is imminent. We are about to face our evolution. Evolution is a participatory event. It is up to us to change our perceptions of “doom and gloom” into something more positive and encouraging. As Franklin D. Roosevelt said so eloquently, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. To change the world, we must change ourselves first, and furthermore we are being called upon to come together in community and share in a positive vision for humanity as well as Mother Earth.
As practiced in most energy psychology modalities in changing beliefs, it is vital that we focus on what we want, rather than what we don’t want. With that being said, it is also in our best interest to fully understand the crisis we face if we are to learn from it and cultivate a more sustainable reality.
On November 8, 2022, the date of the last U.S. election, I made a life-changing decision… I stopped keeping-up with the news. This life-enhancing behavioral change was done for two main reasons: 1] The new news stories are the same as the old news stories, ones I have heard for decades. The stories remain the same, only the names of the principal characters and their countries of origin have changed. (OK, fact check: I occasionally read the headlines of articles … but do not delve into the text.). 2] Not having any ability to personally change these global issues, why would I waste my valuable life-energy by getting engaged-in, but not being able to respond to, the global chaos we are experiencing.
With all the stories of war, violence, hatred, catastrophes, health crises, etc., I have noticed a complete lack of information on the impending 6th Mass Extinction Event. NASA scientists emphasize that we are facing an “irreversible” collapse of industrial civilization within the next couple of decades. They place the blame on unsustainable resource exploitation and increasingly unequal wealth distribution (i.e., 1% of the
population has more wealth than the remaining 99%.)
This extinction story is profoundly important for all of us! Science has recognized that human behavior has precipitated the collapsing of the web of life. Civilization-induced stresses are creating environmental catastrophes that are straining the environment and threatening human extinction. One of the biggest contributors influencing the collapse of civilization is global climate change, erratic weather patterns that are destroying environments and ecosystems around the world.
Climate change is a natural product of the Earth’s evolution, occurring in cycles over thousands of years. However, today, industrial civilization has exacerbated the situation by upending the harmony and balance of Nature . Human behavior has polluted the air, the seas, and the soil, pillaged the Earth’s resources, engaged in cutting down the rain forest, and destroying millions of acres of Nature replacing them with unsustainable monocropping.
Some people question, “Can human civilization can actually upset the Earth’s
ecosystems?” The answer of course is an absolute YES. Sixty years ago during my high school geography class, we were studying the great seas separating Eastern Europe from Western Europe. They were the Aral Sea, the Black Sea, and the Caspian Sea (illustrated in the map below). To memorize these names, I used a mnemonic, referring to them as the “A-B-C Seas.” However, from satellite images shown below, over 95% of the Aral Sea has disappeared. With the loss of the Aral Sea, fish that fed millions of Europeans, the cities that arose to service that industry, as well as the seaside spa resorts have also disappeared. Considering that data, then Secretary-General of the U.N., Ban Ki-moon, described the drying up of the Aral Sea as one of the planet’s most shocking disasters.
Aral Sea Map
What happened to the Sea? Once the world’s fourth-largest “lake,” the Aral Sea shrunk because the rivers that fed it were largely diverted in a Soviet project to boost cotton production in the arid region. What now remains of the once-robust fishing economy are fishing trawlers stranded in sandy wastelands, with camels standing near the hulks of stranded ships. Furthermore, when the sea began to dry, layers of highly salted
sand left behind were carried by winds as far as Scandinavia and Japan.
Aral Sea 2
Signs of the Evolution
Evolutionary change will only start when we become active participants and stop our fruitless wait for some hero to arise and save us … for we are the heroes we have been looking for! Everyday, human “imaginal cells” are creating order out of the impending chaos. Evolutionary actions at the local level are increasing at a logarithmic rate, and frequently unrecognized by the media.
So, while it appears that nothing is happening on the surface, below there is a
groundswell of change that is about to erupt. This evolutionary upheaval is predicated on the rise of community. A small, yet wonderful, example of communal evolution on the local level was provided in the news story of a New Zealand retirement home that won a sustainability award. They created over 100 gardens on their property. The food fed the members of the home, as well as many others in the neighborhood. The garden work provided a meaningful existence to retirees, enhanced their health and, in fact the health of the community and the environment.
Amid the current global chaos, a new world is emerging like a Phoenix from the ashes, a world based on love rather than fear (based on love rather than fear) and we are its co-creators. We are, each and all, active participants in what will amount to be the greatest of human adventures, for we are on the threshold of an incredible evolutionary event … the emergence of a new super-organism, Humanity.
Dear friends, keep your hearts and minds focused on the beautiful future that lies before us!

With Love and Light,
Bruce

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized.

 

New Year / New Blessings

Alexis Acker-Halbur Healing, Never Give Up, Trauma, Uncategorized , , , , , , , ,
New Year / New Blessings

Hello Wellness Seekers:

I apologize for not posting in a month, but my website wouldn’t let me in. I tried changing my password a billion times — no success. So, I got online and chatted with hosting techs over the past weeks. Finally, today, I found someone to unlock my website. I continue to reign as Queen Bee on this website! I missed you all.

So, how is 2023 looking for you? I’m wishing you all the great blessings of safety and health to you and your loved ones during the year. I have to admit that my New Years started off with a BANG! My Green Bay Packers outshined the MN Vikings. Go Pack. Now we’ll see what happens next week with the Detroit Lions. (I’ve been a Packer fan all of my life since growing up in Wisconsin.)

I was sincerely troubled when I saw what happened to the Buffalo Bills player, Damar Hamlin. My prayers echo the worldwide prayers being sent to him and his family. I’m sending him blessings of health and recovery.

Football is dangerous, and we’re brought to this time and again when a player gets hurt. But I also want to bless the children and women who are abused each day — around the world. These children and women should definitely be called our “Heroes.” I pray for their health and wellbeing and I direct them to my healing trauma wounds found on this website. Please share this website if you know of someone who is trying to to find essential tools to live a new life after trauma.

Be well this year and never give up!

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Alexis Acker-Halbur is an award-winning author and medical miracle. Child abuse made her seriously ill and put her in harm’s way many times. She survived and shares her experiences and tools with women and men who have been traumatized.