Living with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

by Alexis Acker-Halbur
A book cover with the title of if i could tell you how it feels.


A white triangle pattern is shown in this image.I received the diagnosis of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) about ten years ago, after my daughter was involved in a serious accident while walking to school. Before the accident, I worked hard to keep my life, my family and their world so protected that the instant she got hit, my controlled snow globe world instantly cracked, hit the ground, and shattered. In fact, when my son and I were talking the day of the accident, he looked at me and innocently said, “Things will never be the same again.â€Â  Extremely prophetic words that at the time neither myself nor my family had any idea what they would come to mean.

During the year following my daughter’s accident, I was busy with tending to her health, taking her to appointments, trying to work full time, and keeping our household running as normally as possible. Simultaneously, I kept having strange experiences that were making me feel like I was losing my mind. I couldn’t stop and think about what was happening, nor did I have the words to describe it to anyone. It was just an overwhelming sense of fear, and general feeling that I was going slowly going mad.

I was becoming anxious. I started losing all sense of time; finding myself wondering where I had been the last few hours and feeling incredibly disconnected from my body and the world. I was called into meetings at work because my performance was terribly erratic. I felt physically sick all the time. And I kept having these bizarre explosive memories leaving me feeling out of control and disoriented.  I knew something was seriously wrong with me, so I made a call to a psychologist who agreed to see me the next day.

When I started working with my first therapist, I was anxious to tell her everything all at once. I thought if I could word-vomit everything that was coming to my mind, that would be enough to feel better and get back to work.

I didn’t understand that I was having flashbacks, and that I was living in a constant state of crisis. I was writing my therapist letters from a dissociated state which made no sense but felt vaguely familiar as she would read them aloud. I would lock myself in my room for hours fearing that I was going to hurt myself, and I didn’t want to be around my family. I felt out of control, thinking I was losing my mind, feeling like I had failed my myself, my family, and I began spiraling down a very slippery slope.

One of the most important practices to have in place when beginning trauma therapy is to have a safety plan. I needed to develop tools for many things, including distress tolerance. Once a plan was in place, we could begin the process of working on and processing my trauma.

Not only was my therapy about processing the memories, but I also had to start accepting that there were some intense effects of the trauma, and they influenced how I saw and reacted to the world.

I also had to face how my trauma affected my relationships with my family, friends, parenting style, and career. While dealing, and coping with the trauma, there were a lot of “aha†moments. I saw how my behavior and ways of coping with life, were a direct result of my trauma and not because I was a bad person.

Some of my PTSD symptoms still have a good choke-hold on me. As with many illnesses, PTSD can be invisible on the outside. My symptoms include (not limited too) flashbacks, concentration issues, becoming overwhelmed which leads to feeling like my brain is shutting down, difficulty making choices, anxiety/depression, and a sensitivity to triggers. I sometimes use the phrase, “triggers, triggers everywhere.†The wind can blow a certain way, or fireworks, or a car backfiring, even the moon can sometimes bring on flashbacks.

Once I was able to name and accept my symptoms, I needed to learn to work within my deficits. This wasn’t easy or comfortable for me. And honestly, there are still times I find myself becoming frustrated and angry at my PTSD. When that happens, I stop, and use my grounding tools to rest and reset.

Writing gave me the courage I needed to address the pain I was feeling. I would write even when I thought I had nothing to write about. Often, I would write and send what I wrote off to my therapist. I started to find that I could write what I couldn’t say aloud.  At first, it provided distance from having to use my voice, but then I found writing gave me a voice.

Learning to recognize and acknowledge each step on my path towards health and understanding is a long and never linear process that helps keep me in a resilient mindset. I also try to remember to notice the perfect moments. I made myself understand that are 24-hours in a day, and within those hours are some spectacular moments.

I was not going to let the effects of what happened to me keep me from trying to have the life I wanted. I never lose sight of my goals. They are to live with my past, live in the truth, and recognize and relish in the feelings of internal contentment. Some days those goals seem as far away as the furthest star, and other days I understand that, I am living in my truth, I am content and understand that I’m not just a survivor of trauma, but that I am thriving despite my trauma.

Thank you, Alexis and the Never Give Up Institute for inviting me to be a guest writer on your blog. The work you do is truly inspiring!

Alexis Rose
Author, Speaker
https://atribeuntangled.com/blog/
[email protected]

Thank you, Alexis Rose, for your enlightening blog on PTSD. I know my readers will appreciate your insights, vulnerability, and power to survive. Thanks a million for being a guest blogger on my website.

You may also like

32 comments

Arwen April 29, 2018 - 5:34 AM

I suffer with C-PTSD. Thank you for being brave enough to put your story out there. More people need to understand the hell we go through.

alexisackerhalbur May 1, 2018 - 5:07 PM

Arwen, I’m so sorry you suffer from C-PTSD. I hope this article, written by Alexis Rose, will assist you in having the confidence to talk to others about what it’s like to live with PTSD. Your story is so important in educating our communities about what PTSD is and what it does to wonderful people like you. Never give up, Arwen!

Federico August 29, 2018 - 8:06 PM

Thanks, it’s very informative

Hairstyles Men January 9, 2020 - 1:03 PM

Hey very cool web site!! Man .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I’ll bookmark your I’m happy to find so many useful information here in the post, we need develop more strategies in this regard, thanks for sharing. . . . . .

alexisackerhalbur January 10, 2020 - 1:55 PM

You are most welcome. And Thanks for your enthusiasm regarding Never Give Up website.

Norman February 1, 2020 - 5:27 PM

I think this is among the most important information for me.
And i’m glad reading your article. But wanna remark on few general things, The web site style is great, the articles is really
excellent : D. Good job, cheers

Free Stuff February 23, 2020 - 3:07 PM

Hey! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this page to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

www.sasukafriedchicken.com February 29, 2020 - 9:23 AM

I visited many web sites but the audio quality for audio songs existing at
this web site is really fabulous.

바카라 게임 February 29, 2020 - 12:49 PM

You’re so awesome! I do not believe I have read a
single thing like that before. So great to find another person with a few unique thoughts on this
topic. Seriously.. many thanks for starting this up.
This site is one thing that is needed on the internet, someone with a bit of originality!

골목 February 29, 2020 - 1:26 PM

I’m not that much of a internet reader to be honest but your
sites really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back in the future.
Cheers

예스 카지노 February 29, 2020 - 2:20 PM

I needed to thank you for this fantastic read!! I absolutely loved every bit of it.
I have you book marked to check out new things you post…

카지노 게임 February 29, 2020 - 2:47 PM

Excellent, what a blog it is! This web site gives useful facts to us, keep it up.

카지노 게임 사이트 February 29, 2020 - 2:58 PM

Keep this going please, great job!

트럼프 카지노 February 29, 2020 - 4:51 PM

Hi! Someone in my Myspace group shared this
site with us so I came to look it over. I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m
book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
Excellent blog and wonderful design and style.

alexisackerhalbur March 2, 2020 - 5:34 PM

Please let you Myspace group know I appreciate the recommendations of my website!

avocado594.design.blog February 29, 2020 - 11:21 PM

I’m curious to find out what blog platform you have been utilizing?
I’m experiencing some minor security problems with my
latest website and I’d like to find something more secure.
Do you have any solutions?

alexisackerhalbur March 2, 2020 - 5:31 PM

I use Blog Designer Pro. A very wonderful program!

바카라 사이트 March 1, 2020 - 3:56 AM

A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment.

I do think that you need to publish more on this issue, it may not be a taboo subject but generally people do not talk about these topics.

To the next! All the best!!

sndra4.wordpress.com March 1, 2020 - 4:05 PM

Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video
to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting
videos to your weblog when you could be giving us something informative to
read?

rutherford.art.blog March 1, 2020 - 7:49 PM

Hey this is kind of of off topic but I was wanting to
know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding expertise so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience.
Any help would be greatly appreciated!

alexisackerhalbur March 2, 2020 - 5:26 PM

Sorry I can’t be more help to you. I rely on professional experts to manage and fix my website problems.

더킹 카지노 March 2, 2020 - 12:55 AM

Hey there would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re utilizing?

I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different internet
browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most.
Can you recommend a good internet hosting provider at a fair
price? Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!

alexisackerhalbur March 2, 2020 - 5:17 PM

GoDaddy!

온라인 바카라 March 2, 2020 - 3:53 AM

Hello I am so grateful I found your website, I really found you
by accident, while I was researching on Askjeeve for something else,
Anyways I am here now and would just like to say
many thanks for a remarkable post and a all round enjoyable
blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have
time to read through it all at the moment but I have saved it and also added
in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a lot
more, Please do keep up the excellent job.

모나코 카지노 March 2, 2020 - 4:38 AM

I love your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you create
this website yourself or did you hire someone to
do it for you? Plz respond as I’m looking to construct my own blog
and would like to know where u got this from.
cheers

alexisackerhalbur March 2, 2020 - 4:53 PM

I created my website with many people — all who are experts, including a marketing expert!

포커 March 2, 2020 - 4:39 AM

I was able to find good info from your blog posts.

crocus.design.blog March 2, 2020 - 4:55 AM

Thanks for a marvelous posting! I really enjoyed reading
it, you could be a great author.I will remember to bookmark your blog and will often come back at some
point. I want to encourage you to continue your
great job, have a nice weekend!

온라인 슬롯 머신 사이트 March 2, 2020 - 6:39 AM

Good day! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading this
post reminds me of my good old room mate!

He always kept talking about this. I will forward this post to him.
Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!

에비앙 카지노 March 2, 2020 - 7:04 AM

Hey are using Wordpress for your blog platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you
need any html coding expertise to make your own blog? Any
help would be really appreciated!

alexisackerhalbur March 2, 2020 - 4:41 PM

Yes, I’m using WordPress!

카지노 사이트 March 7, 2020 - 11:53 AM

I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I absolutely
loved every bit of it. I have you book-marked to look at new things you post…

Comments are closed.